Look Out For: Sonsie Wine Tastings

This tip came from my friend, Katie. She went to the Sonsie Winter Wine Tasting last night and said she had a blast. It's a great atmosphere for a date or to meet people.

I am personally a big fan of Sonsie so this comes as no surprise to me. Their wine room downstairs is really nice and they have a REALLY good selection of wines. The atmosphere itself is conducive to meeting people and it's a great date spot.

Be on the lookout for the next wine tasting at Sonsie, here!

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When You Meet Someone Who’s Taken But "Looking"

We’ve all met them. The woman who has a boyfriend but still kind of seems like she’s still looking. They can quoted best as saying, "it's complicated." I personally believe you shouldn’t waste your time with these women but if you choose to, understand what she may be thinking. It will most likely be one of the following:

“I’m looking for something better (tonight).” Maybe things at home with her boyfriend/husband are terrible and she’s at the point where she COULD cheat. She’ll make it known and if you play your cards right, chances are, she’s yours for the night. Expect to enjoy yourself and have a good night. The next morning, that may be it. She may just have wanted to have her fix and move on.

“I’m looking for something on the side.” Basically, she wants another relationship that fulfills the needs her other relationship isn’t. You will always be second fiddle and she’ll never allow you to pull a coup d’amour. So she’ll have her cake and eat it too.

“I’m looking for an ego boost.” She may seem like she’s showing interest but it’s all false flirting. She’s using you to boost her ego and make her feel desirable. Maybe her boyfriend/husband hasn’t given her enough attention so she’s wondering what’s going on. She’ll go out and “test the waters.” She will never make a physical move but she’ll keep dangling the carrot in front of you (saying anything to keep you thinking you have a chance), knowing you’ll reach for it. Expect to spend the whole night with her and still leave empty-handed wondering what went wrong.

These kinds of women are VERY unhealthy and nothing but trouble can come from them. If women are reading this, the same goes for a guy who’s taken but looking. There are SO many other people that are available and looking. Don’t get sucked in the desire of wanting something you can’t have. You know where that road leads you.

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Tough Love #10: Is He "It?"

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

credit: flickr.com

credit: flickr.com

Week 1: Creating a First Impression

Week 2: Communication

Week 3: Being Sexy

Week 4: Daddy & Dating

Week 5: The Wow Factor

Week 6: Date Crimes

Week 7: What's Your Price?

Week 8: Reconciling the Past With the Present

Week 9: Love Will Find You. But When?

Week 10: Is He "It?"

The honeymoon phase is over. Now, things are real. How do you know if he is legit? In all honesty, no one can really tell you that. Not even me.

It’s all in your gut.

There may be only a couple of times in your life where you’ll have the feeling he is the person you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes we’re wrong. Other times, we’re right.

Either way, the least you can do is ask yourself - and maybe him - a few questions to feel more certain.

How much are you willing to give him? What are you willing to do for him? If it’s short of everything, chances are, you’re not there yet.

Have both of you fully put yourself out there? Is all of the dirty laundry out? Have both your pasts been reconciled? The last thing you want is to think everything has been said and then you find out something MAJOR has been omitted. Put it all out there. Make sure you get the same.

Do you know what he is willing to do for you? Once again, if it’s short of everything, is it satisfactory?

Speaking of which, do you still love him despite him not meeting your every need?Bending is very different from breaking and many times, you’ll have to bend for true love. A simple example could be having a long-distance relationship. A more complicated example is being with a man who has a child (or children).

We all get nervous about someone being “it.” In a world that’s filled with doubt, negativity and infidelity, how can anyone blame you?

But in the end, all you have is your intuition and if you can get some of the questions answered above, you’ll be more at ease moving on with someone and happier, bringing your dating life to a close, and your love life to a new beginning.

Tough Love #9: Love Will Find You. But When?

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes
Week 7: What's Your Price?
Week 8: Reconciling the Past With the Present
Week 9: Love Will Find You. But When?

It’s no secret that some of us waited a long for love - and some are still waiting. If a major fear of yours is dying alone or being single at an older age, then I’m sure you’ve thought about the implications to that actually happening.

The constant sabotage and the various things that are preventing you from a long-term relationship WILL affect your future, whether you like it or not. And NOW is the time to take care of those things.

Things like being a party girl in your twenties - and your thirties - trying to get married before you’re ready or have experienced all there is out there and being involved with someone who is married are all elements of a person looking in the wrong places for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

I’m sure you’d like to have children with the one you love, right? And I’m sure you’d like those children to have children too. As you get older, I regret to inform you but your stock decreases more and more. Your physical looks hold ZERO value at a certain point in your life. 

But it doesn’t mean that you need to rush and get into something that you don’t want or aren’t ready for. Maintain your priorities, work on YOU and don’t settle. 

Rather, make sure you’re satisfied.

True love is VERY hard to find and it takes time.

Know who you are, what you want and never be afraid to express that to someone who might be serious potential. At a certain point when dating a man, you need to get ALL of the important questions answered to REALLY decide if he’s “it.” 

This will be a good segue into the next post - later today.

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The Dating Worksheet

A recent conversation with a friend has inspired me to share something I do with my clients that has helped them and will help many people out there who are playing the dating field.

If you’re going on dates with multiple people, it can be hard to keep track of everything. Sometimes you may forget where you went with someone, what you wore or if you are dating online, which dating site you originally met someone. When you are in pursuit in figuring out what you want, it requires a considerable amount of work. Why not make it as efficient as possible?

If my clients are going on dates with multiple people, I have them create a dating worksheet.

This worksheet is not only a way to help you remember certain things about someone, but it also tells you your dating progress. The worksheet works something like this.

Ranks

The people you are dating are divided into three ranks - A-List, B-List and C-List.

A-List (Green)
Requirements: must have gone on at least THREE dates AND be commitment potential.

Your A-List will have VERY few people on it. It might not have any. But these people are amongst the few you would consider having a committed relationship with. Of your Attention and Investment Pie (AI pie), these people will take up about 65% of it.

B-List (Yellow)
Requirements: must have gone on ONE date AND are planning to see them again

If you are going on dates with many people, chances are you’ll have a good amount of people on this list. At the very least, you’ll be having a second date. These people will take up about 30% of your AI pie.

C-List (Red)
Requirements: must have a plan to date them

This list will have many people on it. You plan on dating them but nothing has really happened yet. You should be spending little to NO time with these people - about 5% of your AI pie. These could also be people who love the cat and mouse game a little too much and are just not that into you.

You DO NOT need to make outwardly attempts to reach out to these people. If they’ve made the list, chances are you’ve already reached out to them. Let them reach out to you and earn a piece of your pie.

You can make columns for whatever information you deem important. The important thing that should be in EVERY worksheet is the stock up / stock down columns. These columns will gauge not only your perception of your dates but also your confidence with them. One column will determine if they are winning you over and the other will if you think you’re winning them over. Both columns will vary date to date and week to week. Your dates can also move from the A-List to the B-List and vice-versa. Remember, it’s all about tracking your progress (or regress).

The interesting thing about all of this is you’ll really be able to tell if you’re making headway in figuring out what you want, finding the right people and how your confidence fluctuates. On top of it all, you’ll be better able to manage your dating life.

If you’d like more assistance in creating your own worksheet, send me an email.

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I'm in NYC! Let's hang!

So I am hanging out in the Upper West Side and I am pretty excited about the weekend ahead.

Let me just say that I am VERY excited to spend quality time with my girlfriend after what has been a wild beginning of 2010. We've been working so hard, I can't wait to REALLY take a break and getaway with her, even though we're physically not going anywhere. It's times like these that makes me VERY happy that she's in my life. Ergo, why I chose the picture that I did for today's post.

Also, I get to see my peeps at Vaynermedia and a few other great friends. On top of that, I am working with a new client, which I'll let him talk about it when he is ready.

Since, I'll have some free time today or Sunday, if you're in the area and would like to meet up, let me know.

Find me on Twitter.

Shoot me an email.

Follow me on Foursquare.

Doesn't matter if you'd like to work with me, have a beverage or just say hi, I'm down. I know it's last-minute but don't worry. I'll be in NYC a lot in 2010 and beyond so if you miss this chance, don't worry, there will be more!

Cool News Coming

I've been working very hard over the past few months (which explains the few checkins to MiniBar on foursquare). Ultimately, it's been paying off. I have some special announcements to make as soon as some deals are finalized. At that point, I'll let you know.

In the meantime, I am looking for an intern. If you know someone who would be interested, have them email me and I'll send them the job description. It'll have a lot to do with WingmanTV.

I would also like to invite you to the Boston LoveNation Launch Party! It'll be at Foundation Lounge on February 9th. Details and RSVP can be found here.

New York fans, don't despair. We'll also be having a New York City Launch Party! It'll be on February 16th. Details and RSVP info can be found here.

That's it for now. Keep it simple.

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After Taking Action, What’s Next?

Discipline.

I’ve had many people talk to me about how hard it is to approach and engage women. I give them the answers then they go out and do their thing. Weeks, sometimes days later, they’ll come back to me with the same problems. I ask them how many times did they try what I suggested and they only tell me a handful of times.

If that’s the amount of effort you’re going to put into your dating life, what can you possibly expect to get in return? Just because you decided to the take the risk ONCE or TWICE, doesn’t mean that you deserve to have women flock to you. And chances are those few attempts aren’t going to be successful.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT going to be easy. The answers are simple but the work required isn’t. Like life, it’s not meant to be. Just like anything else, if you want it bad enough, you have to work hard to get it. If you want to feel comfortable talking with attractive women, you have to work on it - ALL THE TIME. There are NO days off. It requires really figuring out what you need to do, taking action and having DISCIPLINE.

Discipline is what gets you out of your own way. Discipline is what allows you to see improvements. Discipline is what gets the results you want.

It’s January 12. I hope by now, you have somewhat figured out a plan for improving your dating life. Once you take action, you NEED to stick to it.

You are going to fail, many times. You are going to make even more mistakes. There will be up and downs. But slowly and surely you’ll start to improve. Things will get better and soon you will accomplish things you’ve never imagined possible.

All you need is some discipline.

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Tough Love #8: Reconciling the Past With the Present

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes
Week 7: What's Your Price?
Week 8: Reconciling the Past

It’s one thing to move on from your past. It’s another to ignore it. The past is what has shaped you to be who you are today. We’ve all had our ups and downs.

But if you don’t reconcile your past, it will certainly have an effect on your present and undoubtedly, your future.

In dating, we’re talking about your most serious ex-boyfriend. Whatever ended your relationship can’t be undone. In the end, you have to ask yourself, “have I fully recovered? Can I legitimately move on?”

These answers usually shape what happens in your current life including decision-making and overall mentality toward dating.

What will happen if you run into him again? What if you are on a date or with a new boyfriend? How are you going to react?

Running into your ex while on a date WILL happen. It’s happened to me. Read it if you’d like to read my perspective.

If there is anything you take from this post, let it be this. If you are overcome with emotion, that’s a sign that you should confront them. If you do it, make sure it’s in a mature, non-abusive, non-aggressive manner.

Bring closure to the relationship quickly and then move on with your date, your boyfriend and your life.

By NO means invest more time with your past than your potential future. It is the worst look you could ever give yourself. A man will question his respect for you and wonder if you HAVE moved on. If you haven’t, it’s seen as a red flag (unnecessary baggage).

And don’t expect him to be excited or take initiative in doing anything involving you and your ex. He may be a little assertive in wanting to get back your attention but he’ll see that as risky, depending on what he can see from your reactions to seeing your ex. He’d rather keep it cool and not embarrass himself or you.

The best way to avoid this is to reconcile these things before getting back into the dating world.

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Let Her Tell You "No"

I love it when people tell me “no.” When I hear “no,” I smile. Why? Because I know that I haven’t gained or lost anything. I am also secure about my value to society so I know I will not be told no to all the time. I remember in my past, there were plenty of people who have told me “yes” and through that, I know someone else will say “yes.” Someone else will take the chance. Someone else will go all-in for me. 

And they will win.

See that quote on the cup? Let me type it again for you to see.

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes"." - Keith Olbermann

It’s true for us, guys. There is always a woman who may look like you’re not good enough for. In some cases, it’s probably true. What she may be looking for is something either she doesn’t see in you or you probably don’t offer. And that’s fine. But you’re not going to know that unless you ask. Let her GIVE you a reason why it’s a “no” instead of just not trying and ASSUMING it’s a “no.”

That’s why I always say to ask out EVERY hot girl.

Rejection is a part of life and it’s certainly a part of dating. Women are going to tell you “no” more than “yes.” The “yeses” are those you want to focus on. And maybe Olbermann is right. Maybe a woman may not realize that it’s YOU she’s looking for.

When a woman tells you no, smile, say it’s great meeting her and move right along.

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