men

Wednesday Wisdom: Why Boys Need "Manly" Role Models

Every Wednesday I will share a thought, message or quote that will be not only applicable in your dating life but also every other aspect of your life.

This was shared with me over Twitter and I had to make this today's piece. There are a lot of influences that attribute to why guys are having a hard time "stepping up" today. Psychologist Philip Zimbardo shares his thoughts with real data to back him up.

Instead of finding a solution, let's work as one to BE the solution through how we carry ourselves so we can be a measure to model.

Tip Tuesday: How Guys Show Interest

A nice foliow up to last week's question.

Every Tuesday, we ask people from Team Wingman & Twitter what they would like me to talk about. It could be a general topic or a direct question. I’ll choose the best one and later that day, I’ll write something and give tips addressing that topic or question.

What does the man do to show he's interested? How do I know he isn't just being friendly?

It may come to a surprise -- or not -- but guys tend to act a little weird when they are interested.

They may get shy or nervous. They may smile a lot. They may even be a little sillier than normal.

Other than those things, they will typically do many of the same things I explained in last week's post. Guys will tease, compliment and be a little more touchy (poking, hugging, arm around shoulder / hips, playful pushing, etc.).

Another thing a guy will (read: should) do, is allude to a "potential future" with you. What I mean by that is he will invite you to things that are going on in his life -- or out on a date. Just because he may invite you to hang out with him and his friends, doesn't mean he's not asking you out.

While I don't think it's considered a date, it's still an opportunity to spend time with him under a low-pressure environment and still get to know him.

If you'd like your question answered on the blog, be sure to send a tweet to me or post a question to Team Wingman.

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

I've been dating my bf for 2.5 years but during the 1st year he was seeing another girl behind my back. I forgave him & believe he's been faithful since, but recently I saw emails from 2 years ago btw them and regret forgiving him. What should I do?

Like cheating, regretting a major decision is a difficult thing to bounce back from. I could go on and on about this but in the end, you have to take a look at yourself and be realistic.

If you still can't handle the fact he cheated on you, even a year and a half later, signs tell me you haven't fully forgiven him. In that case, it may be time to move on.

However, don't let your emotion fool you. Seeing those emails (you guys should REALLY get rid of those) could have just sparked flash images of pain and these feelings are messing with your state mind, causing this regretful behavior. 

I'd wait a few days and see if you feel any different. If you feel just as bad, it may be time to re-evaluate your position in the relationship.

What Is "Too Aggressive?"

What is your definition of being too aggressive? Are their different standards for men and women on what is considered an aggressive approach?

My thoughts on being aggressive: You know those car salesmen who always push for the sale, even though you told them you're just looking around - three times already? That's being too aggressive. Granted, it's their job but you get my point.

In the dating world, constantly pushing for some type of "deal" (phone number, email, date, sex, etc.) does not help your chances. In fact, contrary to belief, your chances decrease the more someone says no. I believe the standards DO NOT vary from men to women. It's all based on perception. Some people like a little aggression while others can do without it. 

A guy can be turned off by a woman who's constantly flirting with him and not picking up on the "uninterested" signal he's giving her just as much as a woman can be by a man.

What’s Your Equation?

It’s always an interesting topic to talk about with friends. I put up an image this morning and asked for people’s thoughts. Here’s what some of you had to say (thanks for responding!).

“I think my scale is somewhere in between, minus $ factor.” - @katiedel

“Nope...often I think it’s (looks + humor) / intelligence...if you’re talking about many of the bad guys out there.” - @datingrev

“I don’t know if I agree w/the + money part of the women’s equation. I don’t need rich, but I’m not looking to be a sugar mama.” - @joeybonbon

All of those comments make sense. I think money does play a role in rating a guy but not in the sense we’d normally think. Financial security is important to some women in the sense that the two of you won’t be living from paycheck to paycheck and can live comfortably. Also, it would be good to know you are good with making financial decisions.

But notice the order in which these variables are shown. Women add looks last while men put it as their first factor. Women should not be surprised by this and there’s not much that will change that. For men, let this be a lesson for you. Women do not rank looks as highly as you think - and that’s a GREAT thing. If you’re smart, witty, funny, can carry quality conversations and smart, you have a very good chance of winning her over.

I don’t necessarily agree with the equation for men. I would probably put it this way:

(intelligence + humor) ^ looks. 

Even if she is capable of being a 0 in looks, the total score would be 1, which still gives her a chance. A physically unattractive women has just as much a chance of finding love as that a man.

But everyone can have their own equation.

What is yours?

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Do You Agree with This?

Put your comments below and I'll talk more about this later.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Do You Want to Enhance Your Social Life?

If so, sign up for the Wingman Labs for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, 5 Elements of Having Your Own Rockstar Lifestyle. One of the easiest and effective ways to improve your social life.

The Dating Worksheet

A recent conversation with a friend has inspired me to share something I do with my clients that has helped them and will help many people out there who are playing the dating field.

If you’re going on dates with multiple people, it can be hard to keep track of everything. Sometimes you may forget where you went with someone, what you wore or if you are dating online, which dating site you originally met someone. When you are in pursuit in figuring out what you want, it requires a considerable amount of work. Why not make it as efficient as possible?

If my clients are going on dates with multiple people, I have them create a dating worksheet.

This worksheet is not only a way to help you remember certain things about someone, but it also tells you your dating progress. The worksheet works something like this.

Ranks

The people you are dating are divided into three ranks - A-List, B-List and C-List.

A-List (Green)
Requirements: must have gone on at least THREE dates AND be commitment potential.

Your A-List will have VERY few people on it. It might not have any. But these people are amongst the few you would consider having a committed relationship with. Of your Attention and Investment Pie (AI pie), these people will take up about 65% of it.

B-List (Yellow)
Requirements: must have gone on ONE date AND are planning to see them again

If you are going on dates with many people, chances are you’ll have a good amount of people on this list. At the very least, you’ll be having a second date. These people will take up about 30% of your AI pie.

C-List (Red)
Requirements: must have a plan to date them

This list will have many people on it. You plan on dating them but nothing has really happened yet. You should be spending little to NO time with these people - about 5% of your AI pie. These could also be people who love the cat and mouse game a little too much and are just not that into you.

You DO NOT need to make outwardly attempts to reach out to these people. If they’ve made the list, chances are you’ve already reached out to them. Let them reach out to you and earn a piece of your pie.

You can make columns for whatever information you deem important. The important thing that should be in EVERY worksheet is the stock up / stock down columns. These columns will gauge not only your perception of your dates but also your confidence with them. One column will determine if they are winning you over and the other will if you think you’re winning them over. Both columns will vary date to date and week to week. Your dates can also move from the A-List to the B-List and vice-versa. Remember, it’s all about tracking your progress (or regress).

The interesting thing about all of this is you’ll really be able to tell if you’re making headway in figuring out what you want, finding the right people and how your confidence fluctuates. On top of it all, you’ll be better able to manage your dating life.

If you’d like more assistance in creating your own worksheet, send me an email.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Do You Want to Enhance Your Social Life?

If so, sign up for the Wingman Labs for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, 5 Elements of Having Your Own Rockstar Lifestyle. One of the easiest and effective ways to improve your social life.