2010 = The Year of Action

And Hustle.

There is SO much content out there about dating today. I am FAR from being the only source and I’m sure I’m not the only one you read either. The problem that I’ve come across with many people that I meet is that they all read almost all there is about relationships, dating and sex, yet, there’s usually one thing that has prevented them really breaking ground and having successful dating lives.

Taking action.

Sure there are multiple elements of that phrase, but when it comes down to it, you’re either doing something or you’re doing nothing. Last night, I opened up a fortune cookie and this is the message that was inside.

“Better to do something imperfectly than do nothing perfectly.”

There is a lot of truth in that statement.

Gary Vaynerchuk even put out a video about going out and just grabbing it (love the quick last line about how it applies to guys and girls).

 

In 2010, we have the world at our fingertips more than ever. There’s so much transparency out there; we have the ability to watch someone make mistakes, see the consequences and learn everything we need to know before we take our own action. 

Real-life case study: reality shows.

The reason why there are so many reality shows like Tough Love is not purely for entertainment. Well, maybe it is. But they’re making entertainment out of the fact that it’s hard to find love and people are willing to do whatever it takes to find it.

In the end, they’re at least doing something about it.

What are YOU doing?

Are you figuring out what’s preventing you from dating people? Are you asking friends? Are you creating an action plan for how you’ll improve your dating life in 2010? Are you following through with your action plan? If you don’t even know where to start, are you looking for someone to help you? A friend? A professional?

I could write another post about hustle and the importance of really wanting it.

Most of my blog posts this year will talk about having action items designed to help your dating life. When it comes down to it, that’s what you’ll need to do in order to see the changes you’re looking for in 2010. People say this is the year of opportunity. There are opportunities ALL the time.

Make 2010 the year of ACTION.

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Tough Love #7: What's Your Price?

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes
Week 7: What's Your Price? 

This week, we’re talking about MONEY. Yes, money. It can help relationships. It can certainly kill them. We all remember the FreeCreditReport.com commercial with the guy playing in the basement of her parents’ place because his girlfriend lied about her credit and couldn’t get a mortgage for a house.

On the flipside, your spending habits can be just as harmful. Is it going to cost a man to date you? These are the types of things men think about as seriously as he thinks about anything else (if he’s serious about a long-term relationship).

How responsible are you with money? Are you more likely to spend money more on things that aren’t necessary? Is your lifestyle conducive to having to own the most expensive clothes or eating at the best restaurants?

Your lifestyle choices may be irrelevant if you are self-sufficient and work your face off for the things you want. But what if you need to rely on someone for those things? What if he puts you in charge of his finances? Are you going to blow it away with spa treatments when you should be saving for your house together and future family?

Yes, men actually think about these things. 

That’s when it will be to your detriment. I’m sure you are aware of the term “gold digger.”  Men will look to see if a woman has those attributes and it’s not in what a woman has. It’s in the value of the items and where they came from. If she has a $4000 watch that a “friend” in Vegas gave to her, that’s a red flag.

To a man, when it comes to money, the cost of living with and for someone is important in determining the future of a relationship.

Your perception of money directly correlates with how you value life and the little things that come with it. Men are looking to see how appreciative you are of things that they give and if you don’t give a shit about them because it’s what you expect or demand, they will NOT stick around. I promise you that.

A man wants to provide the world to a woman because he WANTS to, not because he has or is expected to.

I remember when someone had asked me on Twitter about who should pick up the tab on a date. I said that at the very least, a woman should OFFER to pick up the tab and the gesture will go a VERY long way. I stand by this statement. Men don’t want you to pay or split the tab most of the time but to them, they know you are willing to offer your part in the relationship.

You think guys don’t think about those things? Well, this is one of the many ways guys can see what their relationship with you will be. Since we're on the topic, if you’re unsure how to go about that moment when the check comes, here are a couple of tips.

Make it into a game. Be silly about it. It’s almost as awkward as the moment at the end of a first date. Acknowledge it and laugh. As a guy, I know you are just making the gesture so if you have the humor to laugh about it, that tells me that you’re also playful on top of responsible. I didn’t say make fun of the fact that most likely, I’ll pay. There’s a difference.

Make it an excuse for a second date. Something as simple as, “okay, I’ll pay next time.” That indicates you would like a second date, which will put a man at ease. You’ll also indicate your notion of sharing the responsibility of the relationship, which like I’ve said before is keeper material.

In the end, be good with your money and men will be good with you.

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Looking Back at 10 Years...

When looking back at the past 10 years, it’s pretty ridiculous to think about where I was in 2000 and where I am now looking into 2010. I would suggest that you do the same reflection. It’s important to remember where you came from and how it has shaped who you are now. It’ll also give you an idea of where you’d like be in the future.

Personal highlights of this decade:

2000: Grew my first chest hair.* Played on a winless basketball team that summer (0-12), ironically named the Celtics.

2001: First New England Patriots Championship parade. Scored 35 points in a championship basketball game that summer. And lost.

2002: Played my first high school varsity football game.

2003: Graduated from high school. Created a city council order (still in effect today). Got my driver’s license (on my first try). Went to college in Philadelphia.

2004: First Red Sox Championship parade. Lived in my first apartment.

2005: Transferred colleges. Bought my first car. Got an Xbox360. Sold my first car that summer (as a dealer).

2006: Joined a fraternity. Created my first website. Beat Gears of War. 

2007: Made the turn to become who I wanted to be - and did. Lost it all that same year. Beat Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

2008: Graduated college. Came back to Boston. Made my first tweet. Met amazing people in the social media space (the first being Pete Cashmore). First Boston Celtics Championship parade. Made the permanent turn to who I wanted to be. Met Gary Vaynerchuk (someone I consider a great friend). Started my first business. Beat Gears of War 2.

2009: Finally settled into who I really am. Went to SXSW. Met MORE amazing people. Got my first client in NYC. Vacationed in Jamaica. Made the Wall Street Journal. With someone who I am completely gaga over. Beat Halo 3: ODST.

I wonder what the next ten years will bring...

Happy New Year everyone! 

*Chronological guess

How to Keep Your Resolutions in 2010

As it gets closer and closer to 2010, we have this urge to create a list of New Year resolutions. We have all of these things that we’d like to change and we swear to ourselves that we are going to change them. And in most cases we do – for a few weeks. Then it’s downhill from there. Next thing you know, January 1, 2011 is approaching and you’re making the same resolutions – and it becomes a cycle of just setting yourself up for failure, every year.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a sincere desire to make these changes for ourselves. It’s just so hard. I’ll admit, when I made resolutions prior to 2008, I would try so hard to keep them and a few months later, I would just forget about it (I actually don’t make resolutions anymore). Sometimes, we try hard to make a change that we go into it without forming a plan that will get you the results you want.

A lot of you guys come to me because you aren’t looking just to meet and attract women. You all are looking for a long-term relationship. Some of you are looking for a wife. There are some of you who are just looking to improve your social life. In order to achieve those things, you need a course of action. Resolutions take the same principle. You are going to need a plan to make your resolution a piece of cake.

Here are some tips that can help you stay on track on whatever resolution you have.

Be as specific as possible. Don’t be vague with the goal you are trying to set. In order to be able to view this goal being accomplished, you have to view it as specifically as possible. You have to push it as far as you can. Let your goal be, “I’m going to be better at scheduling more personal time. Every week, I will designate 3-4 hours to do whatever I want for myself. For each week of the month, I will rotate an activity for that week. Maybe in the first week, I’ll play video games, then in the second week, I’ll watch a couple movies, and so forth.” When you can visualize yourself accomplishing something, you are already halfway there to making it happen.

Set milestones. Setting smaller milestones in order to ease the path to accomplishing your goal. It’s actually rather simple. With a design background, I’ll use this example. Clients rely on setting these milestones to make sure that they are getting what they ordered on time and exactly how they wanted it. Anyone can do this if you set your own milestones too. So with the free time thing, set some smaller goals for yourself. Maybe you want to make sure that your phone is off so you’re not distracted for the 3-4 hours. You could also shut your computer down so you don’t have to look at your email, Facebook or Twitter. These short-term goals, although really small in perspective, will help you stay focused on what you’d like to accomplish.

Be accountable. There are different ways to hold yourself accountable these days. You can have a friend do it. Having another person encourage you or join you in the resolution will ease the pressure and make it easier to keeping your resolution. You can also start a blog, similar to how I did two years ago. Other people read it and will follow it, expecting you to hold your end of the bargain. However you decide to do it, you are never alone.

Treat yourself. When doing a design project, if you complete a milestone, you get paid a portion of the total. Reward yourself when you accomplish smaller goals toward achieving your resolution. As long as the reward doesn’t counter your progress, you’ll be fine. So if you are actually doing the 3-4 hours successfully for a month and things are working well for you, you can reward yourself by giving yourself an extra hour for one week. If you like video games, you can reward yourself by buying a new video game for that week you play. If you really like movies, you can reward yourself by buying a Netflix account for the week you are watching movies. If you keep doing this, let the rewards get better and serve as a motivator as you get closer to keeping your resolution.

Happy New Year and bring 2010 in with a bang!

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Enjoy the Holidays

Have fun this holiday season. The Professional Wingman will be a little quiet for the next couple of weeks but just know things are brewing fro 2010 and I do have a Christmas gift for those who signed up for the newsletter. If you haven’t signed up, do so NOW!

Happy Holidays!

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How Expectations Are Interpreted [photo]

This was something I came across on Art of Manliness and found it to be so funny, yet SO true.

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Tough Love #6: Date Crimes

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes

It has always been easy for women to prosecute men for their dating past. My dating past is not pristine and honestly, whose really is?

There are very few people who live the dating lives of angels and I personally think that is ok, as long as you are looking to and currently DO take action in making things better.

There really wasn’t much stuff here to talk about in this episode of Tough Love but I will talk about some of the crimes that the women of Tough Love were “on trial” for and how most men perceive these crimes to be on a scale from “not so bad” to “total dealbreaker.”

Cheating on your fiance: this particular type of cheating is pretty much the #1 dealbreaker for men. A reason why is one of the biggest fears in a guy is you reach a major point in a relationship where you think he's found the one and he proposes to you to be with him for the rest of his life.

You say yes and then as you two prepare for the rest of your lives together, you cheat on him with another guy? It’s just a terrible thing to do and it makes every guy wonder if you could EVER be in a committed relationship let alone more than that. At a certain age, that kind of offense will cripple you.

Destructively vengeful personality: once again, another serious deal-breaker. If you take pleasure in taking revenge on someone, especially one of the destruction of property nature, guys will NOT want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t control their emotions in a productive way.

What issues you may have, you need to be able to get them in check or seek a professional to help you. These kinds of issues will not hurt you with short-term relationships but if you’re looking for long-term, forget about it.

Dating a taken man AKA adultery: it takes two to tango and if you’re going after a man who is already taken (and you KNOW he’s unavailable), that is a red flag.

There are enough single, eligible men walking the earth that you don’t need to get into a relationship that is already made - I don’t care if it’s a breaking (broken) relationship. If it’s the attention you are seeking, you can get it elsewhere. It’s still cheating, even though you’re not the one in the relationship.

In these and other date crimes, they will all come back around and hurt you. Yes, I believe in karma, but that’s not the point. These types of consequences do NOT have to be in the form of the same act being done upon you. But they can play a factor in the reason why you may be still single now.

Any step to recovering from such crimes will have to deal with confronting them, being honest about them and most importantly learning from them.

Having said that, if you are looking for these types of date crimes or other potential red-flags from us guys, it’s better to be indirect with your approach when you’re initially dating someone. From there, once the two of you become more comfortable with each other, you can start being more direct about what you’d like to know or are concerned with.

We all deserve to be with someone that is going to treat us right. We’re human and we do accept mistakes. The major thing is being mature and learning from them so that those same mistakes don’t become patterns and restrict you from being deemed “dateable.”

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What Can a Date Coach Do For You?

This is something I came across that talks about why getting a dating coach is beneficial for ANYONE. I have been wanting to write about this for a while and thank goodness someone else beat me to it (and was able to nail it so that I didn't have to write it anyway). Credit goes to Eric Disco, the man over at Approach Anxiety for this great write up. I frequently read his blog because he and I share similar beliefs when it comes to personal development through dating.

A good coach can push you out of your comfort zone.

 No matter who you are, we all have a limited view of what’s possible, not only in others, but in ourselves.

The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”

A coach can push you beyond what you thought is possible, in ways you can’t push yourself.

Sometimes it takes seeing and hearing another person do what you thought was impossible before you believe it’s possible to do it yourself.

A coach can give you an outside look at yourself that you can’t see.

If only we could see ourselves as others see us.

Well, a good coach can honestly tell you what’s working and what’s not working with what you’re doing.

Sometimes you think it’s one thing, and you keep working to change that, when in reality, it’s something completely different that’s holding you back.

It can be difficult to see what that thing is because you don’t see yourself in the action.  You only see how she’s reacting.  A coach can see both.

A good coach can pick out what is working.

There are probably already a number of things you’re doing right, things that are working for you.  And in your trial-and-error search to improve, you may stop doing some of those things.

A good coach will not only tell you what needs to be fixed, he will build up what’s already working.  That may be completely different than what works for someone else.

A good coach helps you prioritize.

A good coach can also tell you what is the most important thing you should be working on now.  He can pick out the thing that will have the most effect on our game.

I see it all the time with guys.  They want to fix 20 different things.  And because they’re newbies, I could easily pick out 20 things they could be doing differently.

But I don’t.

I find that one thing that is holding them back the most and we work on that together.

Throwing multiple things at a guy to work on will just leave him thinking about too much stuff.  And, worse, he’ll feel like he’s doing so many things wrong.

A good coach can help you start things out the right way.

For some guys, doing things the wrong way can be harmful.

A coach knows how to take you through the process in a way that works, is enjoyable and gets good reactions from women.

You’ll never get 100% good reactions from women no matter what coach you’re with.

But if you are pushing yourself too hard, too fast or in the wrong way, and getting mostly negative reactions from women, you start to build a “psychological armor” around yourself.

You become self-protective.  Women then react even more negatively to you. This makes you even more self-protective. A vicious cycle.

And the worst part about this is that you begin to anchor negative feelings with meeting strangers.

Conversely a good coach can gently push you out of your shell in a way that starts to get positive reactions from women.

This in turn builds your confidence. And you start to associate positive feelings with meeting strangers.

A coach can hold you accountable.

One of the best things about getting long-term coaching is that that you are reporting back to someone regularly about your progress.

That helps  keep you motivated to work on this stuff.

You push yourself that much more in between the times you see your coach.

Not only that, but your coach can help you set up goals and work toward those goals.

Without specific goals it’s very difficult to make progress.

A coach can teach you something you would have never learned on your own.

You may know a lot already.  You may be brilliant at some things.

The beauty of coaching is that you are allowed to go back to square one and pretend you don’t know anything.

Even me.

I got to soak up John’s knowledge as if I’d never done pickup a day in my life.

And it only made me that much better.

The women I was meeting were hotter than ever.  I was getting more dates.

I had so much less approach anxiety.  My relationships were deeper and more fulfilling.

I even became a better coach because of it.

Coaching WILL change your life, in ways you can only dream of.

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Boston Spotlight: PlanetTran

Finally Feel Good About Being Driven Around Boston

In the world of transportation service, there’s little I know except that I can pay for someone to drive me to where I’d like to go. But as you look deeper, there are different reasons we use different types of transportation services. Let’s look at a few.

Status: Sure, who DOESN’T want to be driven around in a nice car? Who DOESN’T want to say, “I’ll call my driver so he’ll pick us up later?” Having the ability to call a driver whenever you want and have him or her drive you to wherever you need shows that you’re not only cool but also have disposable income to afford it. Simple.

Convenience: Sometimes, you just don’t want to drive anywhere. Getting a rental or a ZipCar isn’t good enough because you know you’ll be busy all day and would just rather relax in the back of the car knowing you’ll still get home. Sometimes, it’s worth the convenience alone.

But what about contribution to the environment?

That’s where PlanetTran comes in.

PlanetTran is the nation’s first transportation service that only uses Ultra Low Emissions Vehicles. Available in San Francisco and in parts of New England, I can honestly say that this service could be a game changer in the transportation business.

“Am I going to be shuttled around in a Prius, though? Where’s the status in that?”

There is a chance you can be shuttled around in a Prius, yes. But you ARE being shuttled. You CAN request a more suitable hybrid. They do offer a Lexus hybrid (either the new HS or the GS hybrid). If you are carrying more people or things, they offer hybrid SUVs as well. I’m telling you, this is a great service for quick trips and late nights out with friends.

“So what REALLY makes PlanetTran different than any other service?”

Well, for one, EVERY vehicle is equipped with wi-fi. It’s pretty reliable and fast. I was really impressed when I discovered that. Some of the hybrids offer outlets too so you can potentially run a mini mobile office, which is awesome. Also, besides the fact that you’re doing good to the earth (we’ll get into that later), you get to talk to the driver, who will always seem to be the most jovial person. I love it especially when travel can be stressful. It’s always good to have someone there maintain a energetic, positive attitude.

There’s also this REALLY cool feature where you can track your carbon footprint by using the service. It gives you a summary of your gas reduction in pounds. See, even I am contributing.

 

Other things include the ability to book reservations online and by far, the best customer service of ANY transportation company.

Overall, the experience was GREAT. And if my testimony isn’t good enough, PlanetTran has the return rate to back it up - WELL over 95%.

I certainly will be using them again and you should too! So, thanks to PlanetTran, I get to offer you guys a special promotion!

From now until the end of February 2010, first-time users get 50% off their trip! Just go to PlanetTran to book your reservation and use the coupon code WINGMAN77 to redeem your discount!

This a GREAT opportunity for Boston travelers. And don’t worry, I make NOTHING off of this post and promotion. I just really like what PlanetTran represents.

And as an added bonus, I think this would be great to use when you're on a date. 

Happy travels!

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Tough Love #5: The Wow Factor

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor

What truly gets a quality guys attention goes beyond looks. Many women may find this hard to believe because it’s been promoted all over that men consider looks first. And this is true.

But if you’re looking to REALLY get a guy’s attention and want him to keep you around for the long haul, there HAS to be more. For guys, it’s the wow factor.

Wow Factor: the one thing that makes you stand out and special that guys will rave about incessantly.

Men want to go crazy over something other than looks. When he talks to his boys about you, he doesn’t want to just talk about how hot you are.

He wants to rave about the one thing that makes you amazing - something that makes you rare, as if not many women in this world have this quality.

So let’s not think about looks for this one. Because it’s not about that. Men are much more intuitive than women give them credit for. Men can tell from body language, facial expressions, your tone of voice, what you share about yourself and the breadth of knowledge on certain topics of discussion what kind of person you are.

THAT will be the TRUE deciding factor if a guy sees you as long-term potential. Any guy who isn’t inquisitive to knowing who you are and your quirks is someone that you need to pay attention to as to what his motive truly is.

If you know you do something special, exploit that. Guys want to see what you bring to the table that makes you unique. And remember that talents are all about showing personality. What you may think is a great talent, a guy may not care and that has EVERYTHING to do with what HE’S looking for and NOTHING about who YOU are as a person.

There is someone out there that totally loves the fact that you can open a bottle of beer with your teeth or that you know the capitals of every state in the US. Don’t be ashamed of what you bring to the table. Which leads to a point I need to make.

Negativity is NOW a dealbreaker. In a world filled with, hate, negativity and bad news wherever you go, YOU need to be the shining light in your life and to others. If you keep saying that you “can’t” do this, “won’t” do that or just not willing to be open-minded about things, you will LOSE. Period.

Have confidence in who you are and have a positive outlook. In other words, bring the E & O. And honestly, in this world, that’s a rare quality to see in women.

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