self help

How Do You Get the Ideal Woman?

In my occasional snooping around on Quora, I came across this answer, by Oliver Emberton. It was later picked up by AskMen so I thought it would be good to share here. Enjoy.

Imagine how you'd feel if your dream girl said she might "settle" for you. She had someone better in mind, but he was out of reach, so with reluctance she decided you'd have to do. Belittled? Inadequate? Pathetic? Don't do that to someone else.

OK, so you want this ideal girl? Chances are she probably isn't the one you think she is -- but that doesn't mean the journey is pointless. It could be the wake-up call you need.

One of the wonderful and horrendously unfair things about being a man is you have huge opportunity to increase your own attractiveness. Whilst women tend to be judged more by their looks, men tend to be judged more by who and what they are. That's good news for you, especially with your current attitude -- the scope for improvement is likely massive.

Firstly, forget about chasing women. They don't find desperation attractive, and you need your concentration elsewhere. Notice the most attractive guys rarely if ever chase. Notice the least attractive are whiny, clingy and fawning. Don't be one of them.

Now you need to craft a personal mission to improve yourself. This will be deeply personal to you, but generally you'll want to make the most of your health, wealth, appearance, social awareness and develop a broad range of interests and skills. This is not a 20-minute exercise, and if you need one of those, you probably should go back to feeling miserable.

Some examples:

-Volunteer: give blood, teach, build a shelter
-Take a dance class
-Skydive
-Learn to cook
-Travel somewhere life-altering 
-Take up a sport and get good at it
-Join a book club
-Learn about body language and human psychology
-Seek out the best media -- music, film, books -- and develop a deep understanding of them
-Learn a magic trick
-Start a company
-Try public speaking
-Learn to dress well
-Raise money for a good cause
-Start a creative project -- like a short film, a single or a short story
​-Get a coach to help you
-Learn a musical instrument
-Make a crap-ton of money
-Run a marathon

Do something to inspire others. Do something to inspire yourself. You'll quite literally be a better person, and a damn sight more attractive. Your life should be a testament to greatness, not a self-piteous whine.

Chances are your ideal girl really isn't. It sounds like you're so attached to her as an ideal you can't see her as a person anymore, and clinging on to that thought is only making you depressed. You need to direct those energies elsewhere.

You and you alone hold the power to turn it around and make something more of yourself. Your life is your story to write -- and the hero always gets the girl.

The Ultimate Guide To Tying ANY Tie (Including Bow Ties)

Chances are this guy didn't tie his own tie.It wasn't until I was in college when I learned how to tie a tie -- on my own.

I could blame my dad for that but he never wears a tie -- he's all about the collarless button-downs. Despite that, he still knows how to tie one.

I only know a handful of people who know how to tie a tie correctly -- and those who do only know one way and stick to it.

There are also those who rarely wear ties or if they do, tie once and leave it tied. And let's not talk about those who still use clip-ons.

None of this is wrong -- except for the clip-ons (Seriously, you should be ashamed. Don't be that lazy).

As men, we should learn not only how to tie a tie but also the various knots you can create. Here, I'll share the 4 most popular knots.

And even if you don't wear ties or have no value for this, you don't want to be the dad who can't teach his son how to tie a tie, do you?

Discipline of Dating: Stage 5 -- Contribution

Everyone needs a wingman.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and did Stage 1, Stage 2, Stage 3, and Stage 4 read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

These past few weeks, I’ve been working on giving you the best guide to help you with your dating life for free. 

Through a lot of the feedback I’ve received through Twitter and email, it’s clear that I’ve done a pretty good job.

*pat on the back*

The point of this was simple. I want to help everyone as much as I can and with readers spanning from Japan to the Cayman Islands, anyone who reads this would benefit.

And that is the last stage of development in this process -- contribution.

When you are in a position where not only have you helped yourself accomplish your goals but can also help others around you succeed, it’s a level few get to experience.

Discipline of Dating: Stage 4 -- Mastery -- Owning YOUR System

Own it and you'll be able to meet women anywhere.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and did Stage 1, Stage 2 and Stage 3, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

Let’s face it. We ALL want to be “masters” of certain crafts. 

I do not use the phrase, “mastering attracting women,” because it makes women appear to be objects when I know a lot of readers here on this blog and the people I work with are looking for much MORE than objects.

Instead, I call it “owning your craft,” and in this case, you are “owning your system” of dating success.

But owning your system is a daunting challenge.

Discipline of Dating: Stage 3 -- Figuring Out YOUR System

Now, it's time to put all the pieces together.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and did Stage 1 and Stage 2, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

If you’ve been working on Stage 2, and modeling the success you’ve seen around you, you’ll be seeing some results already.

And you’re not even done with the process yet.

We are now going to focus on Stage 3 of the Wingman Model.

Discipline of Dating: Stage 2 -- Replicating Success (Part 2)

Now, it's time to start trying out what you've learned.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and started Stage 1, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

This article will focus on the third and final Action Item of Stage 2 of the Wingman Model towards dating success.

Stage 2 is all about finding success and modeling it in a way that you can make your own. 

Discipline of Dating: Stage 2 -- Replicating Success (Part 1)

Yes, you can be as smooth as James Bond.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and started Stage 1, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

This article will focus on Stage 2 of the Wingman Model towards dating success.

Stage 2 is all about finding success and modeling it in a way that you can make your own. 

This will allow you to adapt strategies, acquire positive habits and develop your social awareness for opportunities that may come up.

Once you do all of the Action Items, you’ll be able to go to Stage 3.

Begin Stage 2.

Discipline of Dating: Stage 1 -- Knowing Yourself (Part 3)

The key to your progress.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and started Stage 1, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

So you’ve made this far through Stage 1. Awesome! I’m sure your hungry to start making changes right way -- and we’ll get there soon.

But first, there is one more Action Item you need to take that will get the complete assessment you need to move forward.

Discipline of Dating: Stage 1 -- Knowing Who You Are (Part 2)

Which "you' are they seeing?Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and started Stage 1, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

Now that you have an understanding of who you and what your values are, let’s see if that’s what you project.

We go out with our clients to see how congruent they are with how they want to present themselves. As a strategist, this is where the breakthrough comes in for so many of my clients.

But, I can’t do that for everyone who is reading this, so we’re going to change it up a bit. 

Discipline of Dating: Stage 1 -- Knowing Who You Are (Part 1)

Are you the man you want to see?Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the brief introduction to what we’re doing here, read it before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

This piece will focus on Stage 1 of the Wingman Model we talked about yesterday.

Stage 1 is all about clarifying who you are, what you are, where you are now and where you want to be.

You’ll become aware of your body and the adjustments you’ll need to make to get to where you want to be.

You’ll be given action exercises that will help you understand who you are to the core.

Once you follow through with all the exercises and pass the checklist, you’ll be able to move on to Stage 2.