How to Build Confidence

I had a session with a client that didn’t turn out so well for him. When it came to approaching attractive women, he froze EVERY TIME. I tried to have him approach women who weren’t as attractive as a way to build up his confidence. He froze. I almost had him approach guys but I had a feeling he’d freeze anyway. Confidence isn’t natural. 

Let it be known that "natural confidence" is a perception. Confidence will always be something that you have to build and tend to.

Confidence takes on the typical cycle:

Acknowledging your comfort zone. Going beyond that. Failing. Learning. Trying again. Succeeding. Acknowledging your new comfort zone. Going beyond that and so forth.

People have a pretty easy time with the first part - acknowledging your comfort zone. Beyond that, fear creeps in. You get nervous. You don’t know what to do. You certainly don’t want to screw up.

So, what do you do?

Here’s how I have been able to get over that hump to develop my confidence to an all-time high.

Knowing you will fail. It’s VERY rare that you’ll do something right the first time. Think about the various milestones in life. Walking for the first time. Saying your first words. Taking your first exam. Your first relationship. Your first job. Your first college application. Chances are you didn’t do it right the first time and it took a few dozen tries to be successful. People rarely get a 100% rating when it comes to anything in life. So be okay with that.

Are you REALLY experiencing fear? Or are you really confusing that with excitement? I’ve said MANY times that it only takes one person to say yes. Is it worth the excitement of finding out who does?

What’s the long term plan? Do you want a wife? A girlfriend? A mistress? Whatever your goals are, you must put the process in perspective. Once you find that person that loves you for who you are, you are going to look back and be thankful for the road you went down. Being rejected all of those times and going through all of those inadequate relationships really put you in a place where you are ready for the ultimate prize in life. True happiness.

I can guarantee that anyone can develop maximum confidence but there will always be the one thing that will stop you.

Taking the risk.

Can you do it?

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Life is Short. Have an Affair?

Really?

I remember walking with my girlfriend in NYC and there was an ad on the back of a newspaper that said, “It’s 8AM.” I couldn’t see the rest so I went in for a closer look.

“Do you know where your wife is?”

I couldn’t believe it. Then again, I could.

Ashley Madison has been VERY successful in taking advantage of people’s insecurities and temptations by creating a business to cash in on people's willingness to bend their morals. A site that’s dedicated to ONLY having affairs? It’s wild. This isn’t news to me (or to most of you) but I haven’t talked about infidelity on this blog much.

You see these ads all over the place and it’s TELLING you not only to cheat, but that it’s also ok. I’m not ignorant of the fact there are married couples out there who are open to including someone else into their lives. If both parties agree, then I personally don’t see anything wrong with that.

I would love for someone to let me know otherwise but I would assume that MOST people who go on the site are doing it secretly. THAT, my friends, is NOT cool.

What’s worse is that statistically, men would cheat on their spouse if they wouldn’t get caught. Really?

I’m not here to tell people what’s right or wrong. These are just my opinions and clearly, we are grownups. We’ll make up our own mind anyway. But considering that 50% of marriages end in divorce and people are getting married later in their lives, how many people can actually be devout to their significant other - and follow through?

What are your thoughts?

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Oh, Valentine’s Day

As I’ve said before, I’m not a big Valentine’s Day person because it’s so commercialized. If I’m going to do something for my lady, I’m going to do it because I WANT to, never because I HAVE to. Having said that, there are guys out there who STILL feel the pressure of having to go over the top and buy gifts for their ladies. Most guys don’t even know what to get besides the usual flowers, candy and “let’s go to dinner at an expensive restaurant where they fill to capacity and it’s so loud, you can’t hear me and the food isn’t even that good anyway.”

Fortunately, Victoria’s Secret decided to do something a little different for all of the guys out there who were lost.

Last night, I had some free time and went down to the Secret store at Patriot Place at Gillette Stadium. Thanks to Gamestop, they had video game stations to play some of the latest and coolest games. Bar Louie was VERY nice to offer root beer, mini sliders, buffalo chicken bites and other goodies. Victoria’s Secret associates were there to help guys figure out what they wanted. I chatted with a few of them to find out how they viewed the "holiday."

They also gave me a couple cool ideas for the weekend. Unfortunately, I won’t be around for them...so I’ll fill you in on the action.

I’ll have that info for you later today!

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The Doctor Is In

I am so happy to be the "cover" story for blast magazine's February issue!

If you ever wanted to know the inside scoop of what I do, how I do it and why, this is the article to read. Special thanks to Erica Marcus for interviewing me and writing the story. I still think it's crazy that I have a photo gallery :P

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Your Guide to: minibar

There’s no hiding it. I LOVE minibar. I have many friends that I hang out with there, I’ve even shot videos and make no mistake; people can have a blast there.

From what I’ve heard (from an anonymous manager), minibar has been named Best Pickup Bar in Boston. Makes sense since it’s such a great social scene and you can REALLY meet anyone at any given time.

In preparation for LoveNation’s Launch Party that I’m having there tomorrow night, I have decided to give you a guide to how to handle minibar if you go there by yourself or with friends.

Overview: minibar gets it’s name from not the size of the bar but the size of the bottles that they serve at tables. Overall, there are 6 lounge “areas” and a bar that can hold upwards of 12 people. There is also another area as you can in the picture to the left that can seat 6 people.

Positioning: I think in every place, there are “dead zones” where you’ll have almost no chance of meeting people. Here are the “dead zones” at minibar: 

The near corner of the bar (seen in the picture) 
The right lounge area in the picture (even if you’re with another person) 
The left side of the lounge area in the middle of the picture (behind a “mini” wall) 
The lounge area by the front door (facing the bar). 

If you’re in a very small group and are looking to socialize, don’t go to these areas. These areas are for people who are in larger groups and are just looking to hang out amongst themselves.

The “money” areas give you the best chance of meeting people. At minibar: 

The far corner of the bar in the picture 
The middle area of the bar. 

The most traffic will walk through there and by standing, it’ll give you the best chance to see people (no matter where they are), make eye contact and make your move. Just be sure to let the bartenders by when they have to send drinks to table areas. That area can get crowded rather quickly.

Best times to go: Happy hour (Monday-Thursday 5-7), Tuesday (DJ nights), Friday and Saturday nights; and of course, THIS TUESDAY NIGHT!

Drink of choice: If you’re a beer drinker, keep it classy with a Narragansett. If you like wine, order a cabernet. If you’d rather something a little more stiff, grab a Belvedere and tonic.

I hope you get a chance to check it out but more importantly, come to the party tomorrow night!

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Party Time!

Here's the public invitation for LoveNation's Boston Launch Party!

RSVP here and each guest will get a mini bottle of Rosé (while supplies last)!

Special thanks to Martini & Rossi!

Come hang out with me, my co-host Laurie and let's have some fun. I don't get to go out much anymore (unless I'm working) so if I must, why not make it an event?!

Hope to see you there!

Tonight: Laurel Bar & Grill Wine Tasting

It seems like every two weeks, Laurel B&G does a wine event that gets a good crowd. This week, it’s a wine seminar featuring Michael Wolfson of Ruby Wine Importers. You get to sample four Bubblies from Italy, Cali, South Africa and France.

The event starts at 6:30PM.

Wine tastings are great social events and worth the admission. You get to easily start conversation with people who share the same interests as you do.

Line of the evening: “How do you feel about THIS one?”

The cost for this event is $29.99 (plus tax and gratuity). Included will be 4 tasting plates for each wine.

For more information and to see future wine events, you can check out the Laurel Bar & Grill site. Can’t say you have nothing to do tonight.

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What’s Your Equation?

It’s always an interesting topic to talk about with friends. I put up an image this morning and asked for people’s thoughts. Here’s what some of you had to say (thanks for responding!).

“I think my scale is somewhere in between, minus $ factor.” - @katiedel

“Nope...often I think it’s (looks + humor) / intelligence...if you’re talking about many of the bad guys out there.” - @datingrev

“I don’t know if I agree w/the + money part of the women’s equation. I don’t need rich, but I’m not looking to be a sugar mama.” - @joeybonbon

All of those comments make sense. I think money does play a role in rating a guy but not in the sense we’d normally think. Financial security is important to some women in the sense that the two of you won’t be living from paycheck to paycheck and can live comfortably. Also, it would be good to know you are good with making financial decisions.

But notice the order in which these variables are shown. Women add looks last while men put it as their first factor. Women should not be surprised by this and there’s not much that will change that. For men, let this be a lesson for you. Women do not rank looks as highly as you think - and that’s a GREAT thing. If you’re smart, witty, funny, can carry quality conversations and smart, you have a very good chance of winning her over.

I don’t necessarily agree with the equation for men. I would probably put it this way:

(intelligence + humor) ^ looks. 

Even if she is capable of being a 0 in looks, the total score would be 1, which still gives her a chance. A physically unattractive women has just as much a chance of finding love as that a man.

But everyone can have their own equation.

What is yours?

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Do You Agree with This?

Put your comments below and I'll talk more about this later.

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Enthusiasm

I talk a little about enthusiasm, how it's different than confidence and what it has to do with E & O.

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