Dress For Attraction

Let’s be honest. Although we dress well to feel more confident in ourselves, we REALLY get our confidence from the validation of others.

We dress for each other

The average woman will spend nearly $1600 a year on clothes and nearly $13,000 on beauty products in a lifetime -- and that’s the AVERAGE woman. Guys who are looking for an attractive woman should know they spend MUCH more than average.

Why would they spend so much money? To be simple, it’s for guys. Don’t fool yourself for one second thinking you don’t dress well for women. You’re just fortunate to not have to spend as much as they do.

I could go deeper and talk about how dressing well can get you a great job, a raise, more respect, so on and so forth, but at it’s core, people dress for each other.

How important is fashion in dating?

Now, when you look at how a woman will typically rate your attraction level, it’s broken down into three basic categories, each with a percentage of importance.

Body language: 70-75%

Fashion & grooming: 15-20%

Content & tonality: 5-10%

Most guys I work with tell me they never know what to say to women when it has little affect on the outcomes of their interactions. Their most common problem is they neglect to fix the easiest one of the those three “fixable” categories -- fashion and grooming.

Think about it. While your abilities to carry conversation or exude positive body language may not be amazing, taking care of how you present your body can give you an easy 15-20% advantage over most guys.

Dress for attraction

Let's focus on the importance of the basics of any style of clothing you choose to wear. This is what I like to call “24/7” advice. This applies anytime, anywhere.

Fit. A slimmer fit is always better. You may see a variety of fits (Modern, European, Slim, Trim, etc.). Although they are all similar, it’s still important to find out which fit works best for you.

For example, shorts should be slightly just above the knee. Most tee shirts and polo sleeves should fit between your bicep and shoulder. And seams...seams are your best friends as they will guide you to the perfect fit on most any type of shirt.

You’ll see an immediate difference in how you look in clothes.

Layering. Layering will add a new dimension to your style and shape. Here is where you can start to be creative and define your own style. 

Most guys will start their layering journey by selecting a cool blazer. Have one that has lighter fabrics (linen, cotton, etc.) for the summer and one with heavier fabrics (wool, polyester, etc.) for the cooler seasons.

Layering also reinforces the importance of fit. You don’t want ill-fitting clothes to make you look wider or bigger than you really are.

Finally, layering will give you versatility in your outfit. For example, You can wear a blazer pretty much anywhere without feeling over or underdressed.

Colors. There are certain colors you’ll look amazing in -- and others you won’t. Find out what they are by asking WOMEN YOU DON’T KNOW. Don’t ask your family or any of your friends. You need unbiased feedback to really know what’s best for you.

When I was figuring that out, I went to a store, tried on a bunch of different color shirts and asked all the women in the store what they thought. The colors they loved, I kept them and have been wearing them since.

If you want to know what colors you can wear to attract the ladies, go to the source.

Grooming. This is the easiest of all the things you can do. Trimming your body hair, showing daily, and keeping your fingernails clean and neat are all things women notice. Neglecting these simple things will dramatically affect your attractiveness and will be had to recover from.

Invest the time to take care of this part of your life that is completely under your control. It’ll make the things that are harder to control a little easier.

Seize Every Opportunity: Be Prepared To Approach Anywhere

NOTE: This post is written by Staff Content Writer, Jamie Bardwell. Get to know him more on our Staff Page. Look for more from Jamie on how to talk to women.

A lot of guys tend to uphold the belief that attracting women should only take place in the evening, say at a bar or a nightclub.

However by subscribing to this method of attracting women you are significantly reducing your own opportunities to meet new women and create a connection with them. Opportunities are everywhere!

But why do we automatically assume nightclubs are the best place? 

There are good Psychological reasons for this. 

1. Firstly … all guys put more emphasis on approaching women in clubs – this in itself fuels us to believe that it’s the best place for it because everybody around us is doing and thinking the same (strong social proof). What others do and how others think shapes our own behavior significantly! 

2. We are subject to something called ‘confirmation bias’ which is the brains inclination to create links between our behavior and the desired outcome. For example, we approach a woman at a bar and it goes perfectly, we get her number, we meet up and go on a few dates (it’s like you’ve recreated a romance novel) – and our brain decodes this as “meeting women in nightclubs is an awesome place to meet women” – reinforcing our existing belief about nightclubs. 

On occasions where it doesn’t work, we unconsciously filter those out because it doesn’t fit into what we already know and our existing viewpoint. 

3. What we think and how we behave are often driven by heuristics (rules of thumb). These are mental shortcuts that allow us to get from A to B quickly and efficiently. Our associations with approaching women in nightclubs as opposed to approaching in the street are that “it’s ok for me to approach in a nightclub and if I get turned down its no big deal”.

And perhaps that’s right – it is much less painful to get turned down in a nightclub than in other contexts that are more public or more obscure.  

4. Perhaps more importantly, we are driven by what’s easy. Our brains like to select the easy option – this preserves the brain’s vital resources in not having to work to hard, and again we instantly subscribe to the belief that meeting women in nightclubs presents itself as the best opportunity and actively avoid approaching in other locations! Because most men have much less practice at approaching in different locations, they tend to stick to what they know.  

Break The Mold! 

Okay so we get the message, we understand the psychology that drives us to think that nightclubs are awesome places for meeting women. We’re lazy, we like to do what’s easy and everybody does it. 

But the brain’s grasp on what we believe can be overridden, and opportunities to talk to new women present themselves everywhere (from travelling to work on the bus, to grocery shopping, in the street, and just about any location there are women present). You just have to be conscious and put yourself out there. 

Women are social creatures, they love to talk! If you engage them in conversation, you’re on the road to attraction!

So be prepared to approach in all situations, if an opportunity presents itself then cease the moment – don’t hope that you one day come across her in a bar because chances are you probably wont! 

If you’re struggling for motivation, mentally go through Eminem’s “lose yourself” on approach – just make sure you’re coming out with words in their normal usage rather than engaging in some kind or rap battle. Although a rap battle could be interesting! 

In conclusion, nightclubs are brilliant places to meet women – but they shouldn’t be the only place you approach. Change is brought about through consciousness! Opportunities to meet and talk to women exist in abundance; you just have to spot them!

2013 is the Year of Trust

Now that we’re past the halfway point in January and the motivation and buzz of the new year has passed, it’s up to us to keep the momentum going throughout 2013.

The best way to start is by taking your resolution list, and burning it.

I would love to see someone take a picture / video of this.

Not only do I hate resolutions, some people are just awful at remembering their 30-item list. Just look at the dropoff of gym-goers since January 1st. The truth is, the longer the list, the more overwhelmed you'll get and less likely you'll take ACTION, let alone accomplish anything.

The important thing here is to keep things simple -- and the easiest way to do that is focus on a theme for the year. So for 2013, the theme we’ll use to guide our development and future success is TRUST.

When I asked members of the Wingman Labs (my newsletter) what they’re theme was, I got an amazing response but there was one email that stood out,

“...I think that 2013 should be the year of Trust. Trusting that the systems put in place will guide us toward success. Trusting gut instincts. Trusting friends to set us up.  Trusting that we deserve more. Trusting our [new] partner, no matter how badly we have been hurt before. Trusting that voice in the back of our mind saying it's time to call in support/professionals. Trusting that the world is a beautiful place full of love -- because, after all, we only see what we look for, and we only get what we ask for.”

For some of you, that might be too much “flower power,” but the truth is when you trust yourself, it’s hard to come short of success. In other words, doubt and skepticism for any reason other than to challenge the status quo will hold you back. This is not only important for your dating life, but for other aspects as well.

Here are three points to building trust that we’ll focus on throughout the year.

1. It starts with you 

When you focus on your own personal development and create more consistentcy in your life, you trust yourself more and project that out to people. People want to be around those they can trust. It’s imperative when building comfort with a woman you're attracted to.

2. Do what you say 

Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk. Follow through is so important in dating, from telling someone you’re going to call them, to other levels of commitment you agree to. Being unreliable is one of the worst characteristics anyone can have.

3. Make your actions bold and assume the best in others

Speak openly, honestly without apology, and explain your reasoning. And unless she proves otherwise, assume she is trustworthy. When you see the good in people and shift focus from what you think might be bad, it makes it easier to have genuine connections with people.

Trust and risk go hand-in-hand

And yes, there is great risk in trusting -- but think about the risk in NOT trusting. When you extend trust, it becomes contagious; people extend it back to you. When you hold trust back, people tend to hold theirs back, leading to distrust.

But in order to extend trust, trust needs to originate from within. This isn’t about going into situations blind or believe everything you see / hear. This is about being smart with your judgment so you can minimize the risks you take and open up new doors filled with possibilities.

This the global theme. On Tuesday, we'll get into specifics. 

The Harsh Truth About Dating We Choose to Avoid [Video]

There's been a lot of talk about a recent article the New York Times released on dating. The ridiculousness of the article was so grand, I decided to post a video about it. Enjoy.

Power of Trust [Video]

Whether or not you're a sports fan, you will appreciate this commercial created by Duracell, featuring Patrick Willis, an all-pro linebacker in the NFL. I watch this video every morning. Here's what he says,

“Looking back on it, on how I got to where I am, I don’t know if it was because I was running towards something, or running away from it. But that didn’t matter. What I did know is, when you run into something -- something bigger, something meaner, something with the power to knock you down -- you have to trust in yourself. Trust that you can get back up -- and not give in. Ever. Because power isn’t just about going forward. It’s about not letting anything hold you back. You find it in yourself, you can go anywhere you want.”

Here is the video.

This week, I've been crowdsourcing ideas for what people would like the focus of 2013 to be on. I'll announce what it is on Monday -- in the meantime, let this inspiring video serve as a hint.

"Training" For Love

I said this in a conversation I had with someone at a recent event and think it's a good way to start off 2013.

"Becoming a better man and learning how to project your best self is a lot like a marathon. You can't just decide your going to train by running 26 miles the first day. You have to start slow and push yourself each time, seeing where the line is and how far you can push it. Eventually, you'll get to 26 and then running 5 miles is as simple as a handshake."

Favorite Posts of 2012

2012 has been an amazing year.

My first client got married, and my advice has been used to not only find love, but to inspire significant change in people's lives, including getting a new job, losing weight, and starting a business.

We've grown the company, hired a few people, and have set ourselves up for a great 2013. Shit is about to get real.

For now, here's a rundown of some of my favorite and popular posts of 2012.

2012: The Year of Momentum

I kicked 2012 off talking about how improving your life isn't about doing just one thing once and hoping for success. It's about doing many things, many times. And many times, change is necessary in a part of your life not related to the change you want in another.

How I Helped A Client Recover From TWO Bad Breakups

Breakups happen. And this year, it was proven more people are looking for ways to move on from previous relationships. Here's I show how I helped my client get over two bad breakups, get engaged, and now married.

How To Meet Women on Public Transportation

We spend so much time commuting, why not find a way to make the best of it? This post became one of our most popular pieces this year. And readers used the strategy with success the week this went up.

Jamaica, Inspiration and the 5 Ways to Attract Women

This year, like any year, wasn't without loss as I lost my grandfather after 97+ years. While attending his funeral in Jamaica, I took time to write about how he inspired me and what you can learn about how to attract women.

Sleep More. Get Laid.

Pretty self-explanatory. Plus, it's science.

How Leadership Can Make You More Attractive

As men, you need to set up more and be a leader, not just in your life, but in other's as well. Women really respond to a guy that has leadership qualities. This post teaches you how to acquire them.

How to Not Be Needy

Being needy is by far the most unattractive quality to women. Part of your neediness is your feeling of lack. But you don't have to create abundance to lose the neediness. Here's what you need in order take control of your dating life.

Active Listening and the Rewards Strategy

Listening is not only your key to carrying a conversation but also moving it to where you'd like it to go. This post teaches you...how to listen effectively.

How to Have the Best Social Life

12 keys to having the best social life possible. Even doing half of these will change your life.

Sex, Dreams, and Dating

We have all hangups about sex, especially when it comes to women. But the reality is women feel very similarly to you -- and there are stats to back this up.

5 Keys to a First Date

Here's what to do and not do when setting up the first date.

The Perfect First Date

Here's what to do when you're actually on the first date.

Thank you for being a part of this journey. It's been awesome knowing you've been using the material here to create change in your life.

Get ready because 2013 is going to be awesome.

How to Wear a Suit

The peeps at Arden Reed created a cool infographic on how to wear a suit and I thought you guys would love it. Check it out. [see original post]

Change Up Your Style for the Holidays

If you want change in your life, it starts now. Why wait until 2013?

As many of you will be visiting family, friends, and loved ones over the holiday season, now is a good time to remind you that the first thing people see is your face.

Your hair, teeth, and complexion are all things that can attract or detract those around you.

This may appear a little displaced from our typical posts but few men address this and it has as direct a connection to your attraction level than anything else -- keep reading.

Let’s face it. It’s likely you’ve had the same haircut for the past 7+ years. It’s simple and it works -- I get that. But could you do something different to increase your attractiveness but without it being high maintenance?

Take a poll and ask friends, family, and strangers about your current look. Be sure to weigh the opinions of strangers more since they are the most honest group as they know nothing about you, personally.

If you’re not getting the responses you’d have hoped and it’s time to change your look, determine your head shape and start researching new looks. Celebrities are always flashing the most trendy looks so it’ll help you to start there for what styles may be good for you.

For more information on hairstyle or if you're looking for a good place to get cleaned up, check out Supercuts. They have exclusive tips and upcoming hairstyles of 2013 you can find on Twitter (@Supercuts) or by following the hashtag #RockTheCut.

Your hair is an easy and effective opportunity to stand out in a good way. As someone who takes pride in his hair more than the average guy, believe me when I say good hairstyle will change how women see you -- and women notice your hair. And the truth is it took several months and variations before I found something that works for me.

The second thing women notice the most is your teeth. For women, seeing good, clean, white teeth will typically equate to good, clean breath, which, if she’s attracted to you, will make her more likely to kiss you.

Without turning this article into a product guide, let's keep this simple. While expensive to fix, if your teeth are a mess, you’ll want to invest in fixing them at some point. But if that’s outside your budget, that’s OK -- making them clean and whiter is in everyone’s budget.

Personally, here is what I use:

Toothpaste: Arm & Hammer

Mouthwash: Listerine Total Care Plus Whitening

When it comes to bad breath, while it can attribute to what you eat and not brushing or flossing, you can use mints and mouthwashes to help that. Keep both handy and use them often because you’ll be giving hugs and getting close to plenty of people this holiday season.

Once these adjustments are made, you’ll see how quickly people are more responsive to you. And while it’s easy to make these adjustments, the hardest part of transformation is maintenance. But I’m sure once you start seeing the results right away, you’ll have no problems motivating yourself to maintain the new look.