NOTE: This post is written by Staff Content Writer, Jamie Bardwell. Get to know him more on our Staff Page. Look for more from Jamie on how to talk to women.
A lot of guys tend to uphold the belief that attracting women should only take place in the evening, say at a bar or a nightclub.
However by subscribing to this method of attracting women you are significantly reducing your own opportunities to meet new women and create a connection with them. Opportunities are everywhere!
But why do we automatically assume nightclubs are the best place?
There are good Psychological reasons for this.
1. Firstly … all guys put more emphasis on approaching women in clubs – this in itself fuels us to believe that it’s the best place for it because everybody around us is doing and thinking the same (strong social proof). What others do and how others think shapes our own behavior significantly!
2. We are subject to something called ‘confirmation bias’ which is the brains inclination to create links between our behavior and the desired outcome. For example, we approach a woman at a bar and it goes perfectly, we get her number, we meet up and go on a few dates (it’s like you’ve recreated a romance novel) – and our brain decodes this as “meeting women in nightclubs is an awesome place to meet women” – reinforcing our existing belief about nightclubs.
On occasions where it doesn’t work, we unconsciously filter those out because it doesn’t fit into what we already know and our existing viewpoint.
3. What we think and how we behave are often driven by heuristics (rules of thumb). These are mental shortcuts that allow us to get from A to B quickly and efficiently. Our associations with approaching women in nightclubs as opposed to approaching in the street are that “it’s ok for me to approach in a nightclub and if I get turned down its no big deal”.
And perhaps that’s right – it is much less painful to get turned down in a nightclub than in other contexts that are more public or more obscure.
4. Perhaps more importantly, we are driven by what’s easy. Our brains like to select the easy option – this preserves the brain’s vital resources in not having to work to hard, and again we instantly subscribe to the belief that meeting women in nightclubs presents itself as the best opportunity and actively avoid approaching in other locations! Because most men have much less practice at approaching in different locations, they tend to stick to what they know.
Break The Mold!
Okay so we get the message, we understand the psychology that drives us to think that nightclubs are awesome places for meeting women. We’re lazy, we like to do what’s easy and everybody does it.
But the brain’s grasp on what we believe can be overridden, and opportunities to talk to new women present themselves everywhere (from travelling to work on the bus, to grocery shopping, in the street, and just about any location there are women present). You just have to be conscious and put yourself out there.
Women are social creatures, they love to talk! If you engage them in conversation, you’re on the road to attraction!
So be prepared to approach in all situations, if an opportunity presents itself then cease the moment – don’t hope that you one day come across her in a bar because chances are you probably wont!
If you’re struggling for motivation, mentally go through Eminem’s “lose yourself” on approach – just make sure you’re coming out with words in their normal usage rather than engaging in some kind or rap battle. Although a rap battle could be interesting!
In conclusion, nightclubs are brilliant places to meet women – but they shouldn’t be the only place you approach. Change is brought about through consciousness! Opportunities to meet and talk to women exist in abundance; you just have to spot them!