Ever wanted to know what you did wrong in your conversations with women, whether they are by phone, text, IM or in-person? Didn’t you wish you had someone there to analyze what you said and how it could have been better? Well, here’s your chance. My buddy, Mark also known as Entropy, has come up with a new series called, Conversation Demolitions.
This will be a continuous series of conversations carefully dissected to see the things you said, how she responded, why she responded the way she did and what this entire thing means. I think it’s important that guys think a little more about what they say before they say it to avoid saying something wrong and to clearly state your intent and meaning. This isn’t to be seen as a “say this to get that,” kind of book. This is to be seen as a book where you can understand why what you say evokes certain reactions from women that you may not want and how to avoid them by properly stating what you really want to say.
Mark hits all conversational media including instant messaging, Facebook, text messaging and more. Mark is one of the best I know in being able to correctly analyze interactions and instruct you on how to be better at them. I can’t really say much more about it because it’s as simple as the title – Conversation Demolitions.
Actually, why don’t I give you an example?
Me: hey! A new member on the company page :P
Her: haha yes great huh! You’re quite up to date
Me: yeah, well with today’s technology you should ;) do you like it at work?
Her: yeah I sure do! You work part-time right?
A good casual opener. What a lot of guys don’t realize about opening women at work, in class or in other social circle situations is that running game often works against you. You can easily be seen as “weird” or “creepy” because you’re talking to a girl at work as if she’s some bimbo at a club.
She asks you a question, which you can take as another indicator of interest.
Me: oh ok, great! The other day you gave me the impression that a customer was driving you crazy :P haha yeah I work part-time, tomorrow I’ll work another morning.
Her: ok that’s nice. Yeah that customer really drove me nuts [she tells the story]. You probably heard it before ;)
Me: yeah I know what you mean, sometimes people just don’t get it so you have to explain it 10x before they get it.
Yes I study full-time, so I don’t have that much time left to work. I really like it like this though, making a little money on the side and having some variation instead of only studying the whole time.
What do you want to become when you grow up? And don’t tell me rich ;)
You let her know that you’ve noticed her by bringing up the customer. She tells a story, you tell something about yourself. Classic rapport-building going on here, which is WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING (I have to reiterate for the dancing monkeys out there) because 1) this girl has already shown a lot of interest in you and 2) you’re at work.
You move to qualify her.
Her: I wan’t to become wise, and you?
Good answer, I like this girl.
Me: I can’t tell you.. I don’t know you well enough yet.
Creating some intrigue and mystery. The implication here is that she’ll want to know you better. Good stuff.
I’d also like to add that you’ve calmly lead the conversation well the entire time.
Her: nooo what do you want to be when you grow up ;) poor?
She teases you a bit. This could throw some inexperienced guys off. This tease is actually another signal that she’s into you. She’s teasing you BECAUSE she wants to know the answer. A lot of newbies would be like, “WTF, shit-testing bitch” right here.
Me: haha I want to stay successful, happy, and healthy.
So what do you do to become wise?
You just dig deeper on her answer, this is a good example of comfort game.
Her: just living, that will make you wise by itself, and I have promised myself to really go back to school next year. I sort off postponed it. What do you study?
Me: I don’t agree with you one per definition becomes wise by living. A lot of people don’t even think about what they experience or feel.
I like this because she gave a half-assed answer and you called her out on it. Sure, this may irk some weaker-minded women, but what you’re sub-communicating here is that you’re actually curious and you have high standards for the people you hang out with.
[I tell her what I study]
What do you want to study?
Her: ok you’re right it’s definitely important what you go through and what kind of challenges you set for yourself. But for me the challenges present themselves, so all I have to do is live. You fall and get right back up and proceed. But you’re doing good! What type of work do you want to do after you graduate?
She kind of qualifies herself here, but also sticks up for her answer. I’d just let it go.
Me: I don’t think that it’s necessarily what you go through, but how you respond to it that determines who you are.
There’s also a lot of knowledge in books by the way ;)
Be careful, you’re kind of picking an argument. Some girls dig intellectual arguments, but generally I hold off on them. This is an easy way to annoy her or come off condescending. Being right all the time isn’t THAT important.
Not huge on the tease either.
This is nitpicking here, I think you’re still doing fine.
[I tell her what I want to do after I graduate]
What’s your best characteristic?
Her: I have a few characteristics that I am really happy with: I’m respectful towards everyone, regardless of status. I’m extremely optimistic, and rarely ever stressed (ideal!)
More qualification, this is a much more personal question, or in MM what’s called a “large hoop.” The fact she complies so eagerly means you’ve built a lot of attraction and trust.
And what’s something you’re really happy about? It’s kind lame that I keep asking and you? but, I’ll soon come up with an original question ;)
Translation: “I want to impress you. I REALLY like you.”
Me: haha well you also have self-knowledge, are able to critique yourself, and are willing to change, lol :P also good characteristics!
And you compliment the SHIT out of her. PERFECT.
Guys really don’t use compliments enough. But when a girl really sub-communicates a lot of interest in you and complies with you in a major way, THE BEST thing you can do is compliment her.
I think that my best characteristics are that I’m ambitious, persistent, have integrity, and can make people smile, the rest will remain a surprise for now ;)
I’m going to sleep, sweet dreams and I’ll see you tomorrow!
Her: good idea, good night!
You share more about yourself, leave a little teaser once again, and then cut the conversation off at a high point. All very well done.
I think these conversations are much worth taking a look into so you can truly understand that how and what you say can make the difference in a blink of an eye.
If you want to get yourself a copy, go to Conversation Demolitions and download the PDF. I read all 92 pages over the weekend and it’s a great read. You’ll learn a lot.
And while you're at it, take a look at Mark's new site. He's going to be doing major things this year.