If you’re not feeling the love from the ladies you message on the dating app of your choice, it may be time to re-evaluate your approach.
The fact is, most men experience the exact same lack of response when messaging women online. Why, you ask? It’s likely because most men, you included, are making at least one of the common faux pas that turns women off.
If you want to learn more about the common mistakes men make when messaging women online and how you can do better, read on. Our comprehensive list will not only teach you how to be more effective with your messaging, but it will also have women virtually eating out of your hand.
First impressions matter
When you meet a woman in person, you strive to make a good impression, right? That means being charming, witty, polite and, above all else, respectful. These are the same traits you’ll want to employ when interacting with women online. First, let’s talk about the different approaches men commonly use when messaging a woman for the first time. And how you can do it better.
One-word openers
It might surprise you how many men open their first online dating message, with a simple “hi.” While 23% of men opt for this common greeting, that doesn’t mean you should. And that goes for “hey” and “hello,” too. A single-word greeting is unlikely to pique a woman’s interest. Why? Most reasonably attractive women get a lot of messages from interested men. If a lady checks her inbox and she has 25 messages from potential suitors, your “hi” isn’t going to make her rush to respond to you. If there are messages from other men who put in a lot more effort, she’s going to reply to them first.
Think of it this way, if you saw a woman you wanted to meet at a club, would you just walk over to her, say “hi” and nothing else? That would be weird, right? Apply that logic to your online meetings as well. The more effort you make to engage with a woman, the more likely she’ll be to respond to you.
Cliché openers
Even if you’re not guilty of the cringe-worthy “hi” opening, you could still be messing up your chance to make a good impression. Sending “how’s it going?” might take a little more effort than a simple “hey,” but it’s pretty mundane. Your first message is a chance to impress and dazzle, so don’t be like the 15% of men who simply type, “how are you?” Not only is it boring, but it also won’t elicit much more than a “fine, thanks”—and that’s if you’re lucky.
Sending a message that shows no thought or creativity isn’t going to get a response. It’s that simple. If you want to get a woman’s attention online, then you need to grab her interest.
Compliments gone wrong
Many men resort to flattery, but making an effort doesn’t mean throwing compliments at her. While 31% of men use their initial message to express their admiration for her appearance, it rarely has the desired effect. That’s because attractive women receive tons of messages telling them how gorgeous they are.
So when they receive yet another “you’re so hot” message or a “hey, beautiful,” it’s not going to make them feel special. In fact, it makes you look shallow because the first thing you talked about was her looks.
If you want to stand out from the crowd, you’ll want to avoid commenting on a woman’s appearance in the early going.
Flattery done right
Flattery can be a way to a woman’s heart, but only when it’s used properly. You can grab a woman’s attention by complimenting her personality, intelligence, creativity, etc. The key to doing this well is by carefully reading her profile.
There’s not a woman alive who doesn’t like to hear that you appreciate her as a person. So, if her profile reveals she’s a dedicated volunteer, tell her how much you appreciate her kindness and compassion for others. If she’s studying for a degree or has a job that takes some serious brainpower, compliment her intelligence.
No matter what trait you focus on, you’ll want to put some thought into how you intend to flatter her. Don’t just message her and say “hey, you seem really smart” or “you seem like a sweet person.” She’s probably heard those types of comments countless times before.
Instead, let her know why you appreciate a lady with brains or a woman who enjoys helping others. Why did those characteristics grab your attention?
If you can make a woman feel appreciated for who she is, she’s going to respond to you. Guaranteed.
Showing interest the wrong way
As sexual beings, it’s natural to look at the profile pictures of a beautiful woman and think about having sex with her. She probably knows you’re entertaining those types of thoughts, too. But trust us, she doesn’t want you to share those thoughts with her. Not for a while, at least.
If you think a woman will be flattered to receive suggestive messages from men she doesn’t know, think again. It’s one of the biggest mistakes a guy can make when messaging a woman for the first time.
All too often, men treat dating sites like hookup apps. The problem is, they are very different animals. The majority of women on dating sites have no interest in hopping into bed with you. They’re looking for an actual relationship, not a one night stand or even a friend with benefits.
Still not convinced that getting sexual is the wrong way to go? Think about it this way: do you walk up to attractive women you don’t know and ask them to sit on your face? Of course not. You’d get told off at the very least. So, if you wouldn’t talk that way to a woman in person, why do it online? Not only is it disrespectful, it simply doesn’t work.
Instead, focus your energy on really wooing the woman you want rather than on thinking up some cleverly crude pickup line. Trust us, bringing up sex in your first message to a woman isn’t going to excite her, it’s going to creep her out.
Showing interest the right way
Letting a woman know you’re into her isn’t rocket science. In fact, it’s as simple as finding out what she likes, what her passions are and how she enjoys spending her spare time.
All the information you’ll need is in her dating profile, so take your time reading it over. This will not only help you with your initial message but in future conversations, too.
You can start by looking for things you have in common. Finding some common ground can really help you to craft a message that will not only get her attention but engage her interest.
If you both love to read, you can connect over that. Mention that you’re a fellow bookworm and ask what she’s reading right now or who her favorite author is. Creating a connection through a shared hobby not only makes it easy for her to respond but helps the conversation flow naturally.
If you’re worried about having nothing in common, don’t be. Shared hobbies are nice, but they certainly aren’t essential to get a girl interested. You can enjoy a connection with someone with completely different interests as long as you have similar values.
So if her profile makes it clear that family is important to her and that is a priority for you too, that gives you a great way to connect. Other things to connect over include religious or political beliefs, career paths or lifestyle choices such as being vegan, or choosing to live in a rural area and commute to work. The key is to find that connecting factor and use it to your advantage.
If you can’t find anything to connect over, worry not. Getting a girl talking about her passions can be just as effective. If she’s done a lot of traveling, for instance, you can ask her about her favorite places to visit or the most interesting experience she’s had abroad. Even if you don’t have a lot of travel stories of your own to swap with her, showing a genuine interest in something she’s passionate about will definitely win you some brownie points.
Follow these foolproof tips and your online success rate is sure to skyrocket. When you use the right approach, you’ll have more women interested in you than you can handle.