Last week, I was out practicing pool with a couple of friends. Unsurprisingly, conversation naturally focuses on women and what I do for a living. Personally, I don’t mind because I love what I do. And conveniently, I’m always learning something about what others are thinking that can help better my coaching.
My mind never really shuts off.
For whatever reason, the conversation shifted toward the topic of “keeping your cool.” My buddy said to me, “I consider myself a pretty laid-back guy. But you — I feel like nothing phases you. No matter what happens, you’re super chill.”
This reminded me of the time when my sister told me,
““if you were any more relaxed, you’d be dead.””
I’ll be the first to admit, for the most part, I am “super chill.” Very rarely do things visibly bother me or shake me up. Professionally, it’s important to be that way so my clients can rest assured that they’re in good hands and I know what I’m doing.
In other words, I take pride in being the chillest person in the room.
Personally, being “chill” has allowed me to consistently make rational, solid decisions, even in the most stressful of times.
The calm during the storm
Last year, after dinner, my wife and I met up with a couple friends at a lounge to celebrate a friend’s birthday. While it was certainly not my wife’s scene, I took it upon myself to make sure we had an epic time — and we did.
As the night was starting to wind down, there was a group of guys who were wasted and began to get physically aggressive. In other words, a fight was going to break out. Being only a few feet away from the scene, I turned to the group and told them “don’t freak (clearly, the best words to use that at time) but there’s a fight that’s about to break out.”
And lo and behold, as soon as I finished the sentence, a fight broke out. Thankfully, the security was there to restore order pretty quickly and kick the idiots out. But what was funny was when my buddy turned and said, “dude, I’ve never seen someone so chill, knowing a fight was going to break out a few feet from them.”
What was important to me during this whole time was that my wife was safe and I figured by telling her before it happened, she knew she could rely on me to keep her safe. And she’ll be the first to tell you that’s her #1 quality she finds attractive.
How does it happen?
When people are generally anxious about the outcome and something doesn’t look to go their way, their immediate reaction is to do something about it — “restore order.” This is especially true for people who are in new scenarios they haven’t experienced before.
Have you ever thought that just maybe, that thing that appeared to not go your way, was actually supposed to happen? When you think about it in that perspective, what would you do now if given a second chance?
The one commonality in every scenario I’ve been in where I was “super chill” is that I wasn’t immediately reactive. Others call it delayed emotion, but either way, being nonreactive to stressful situations can be your best attribute to develop this year.
When you’re nonreactive, emotions don’t play a role in your rational thinking, allowing you to make clear, confident decisions. Imagine how many scenarios where that could help you — Approaching someone? Asking someone out? On a first date?
When everything or everyone around is going crazy and you’re the only one who is calm, cool, and collected, you immediately become the chillest person in the room, and more importantly, the most confident.
Resistance training for your emotions
Keeping in mind our theme for this year is emotional fitness, this kind of ability isn’t something that will happen overnight. Your emotions are a powerful thing and in this scenario, you’re learning to resist them immediately — not an easy task.
The several times you try to do this initially, the emotional delay will last longer than normal because you’ll be super conscious of what’s happening. This your body working with your mind to understand it all in real-time. Once you grasp the concept and expose yourself to various experiences, it’ll happen much more quickly and naturally.
In time, you’ll become the most chill person on the planet. Or the most interesting person in the world. Or James Bond. Or just a better version of you — whatever works.