Credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_KEgFfX0xA
Many times, there are facts people want to believe in dating that just aren’t true, yet people still allow these “facts” to affect their dating lives. For example, about 6% of singles recently met their last first date at the bar or club. If that’s the case, why are people still ONLY going there to “find love?”
If you don’t face the reality or just believe what you want to, you won’t get even close to where you want to be in your dating life.
Last month, match.com released results from a survey of nearly 5,700 singles from all ages, ethnicities, incomes and walks of life with the help of ResearchNow, Dr. Helen Fisher and Dr. Justin R. Garcia.
Without going over the many results this survey produced, I’d like to use 5 and share the most important myths people still believe are true in dating.
1. Myth for the ladies: Men don’t want a woman to ask them out. Fact: 90% of men are comfortable if/when a woman asks them out.
For whatever reason, women are still stubborn about the fact that “men are supposed to be asking women out” (“they need to chase me!” and “it’s tradition!”) and if women were to do it, “they’d be too aggressive” or “emasculating.” The reality is that’s far from the truth.
Many times, I’ve seen women decide to make the move to ask a guy out and it work out splendidly for them. The truth is that guys don’t know that it’s appropriate to ask women out because they’re not seeing visible signs of interest.
Solution: Learning to become more overt with their interest / flirting with men. If many of these guys were to see those signs, they’d absolutely ask women out more.
For the men, it’s simple — man up. If you believe there is an inkling of interest on her side, take the initiative and voice your own interest. It’s always better to make the bold move and apologize after than ask for permission.
2. Myth for the men: Women think it’s unacceptable to date more than one person at a time. Fact: 74% of single women think it’s OK to casually date more than one person at a time.
If we all spent our lives dating one person at a time to determine who is the best fit, we’d need multiple lifetimes to find “the one.” The reality is it’s actually less efficient to dates one person at time to find out who you’re truly into and who’s actually a compatible fit for a long-term relationship.
Solution: So while we only have this life to live, it makes more sense to vet more than one potential mate at once to truly get an understanding to who’s a good fit for your dating endeavors — and that’s applicable to both men and women.
As a disclaimer, religion can and does play a role with this one so I while I totally understand it could be against your religious beliefs (just like not having sex before monogamy / marriage), without a specific strategy, it’s important to understand that it can and may impede your dating prospects in today’s world.
3. Myth for the ladies: Men are turned off by a successful woman. Fact x3: 87% of men would date a woman who makes considerable more money. 44% of men think it’s important to date someone who has a successful career. And 87% of men would date a woman who is more intellectual and/or educated.
Times are different and we are living in a more pro-feminist world, which personally, I think is awesome. More and more men do not see women’s ability to pursue a successful career and make lots of money emasculating in any way.
As much as women strive to find someone who is ambitious and intellectually challenging, men are looking for the same. You may have heard pop culture refer it as “the Clooney Effect.”
At times, in response to this I’ve heard many women say they don’t want to be a provider or have to take care of a guy. Let me just comment and say that as ambitious and successful as you are, there aren’t going to be a lot of men who are MORE so than you. It’s just not physically possible.
But let’s also not confuse ambition with how much money someone makes. Someone can be ambitious and make less money than you. If you’re not OK with that, there’s a huge conflict of what’s more important to you and it may need be reassessed.
Security in a relationship is something that can be contributed on both sides without having to make the same amount of money.
4. Myth for everyone: One of the first things singles judge their potential partner by is their body. Fact: Singles judge someone based on the following top 3 things (in order from most important): grammar, self-confidence, and teeth.
This is was actually a surprise to me. Not because body wasn’t in the top 3, but teeth was. I had a few female clients who were reluctant to bring it up to me because they felt shallow about it so it makes sense how important it is to some women.
What you visually look like is a projection of not only your overall hygiene, but also the kind of lifestyle you live — how you dress, and your teeth (apparently) are included in this. And it’s no surprise what the effects of a good look can do for not just yourself but also the people around you.
Solution: Out of the three things women judge you by, teeth is by far the easiest to take care of. You can’t buy confidence (Unless you hire me — joking. Kind of.) or grammar (what happened to you in school?), but you can certainly buy better threads and a smile — do it.
5. Myth for everyone: If you don’t find someone attractive initially, you will never fall in love with them. Fact: 43% of singles have fallen in love with someone they did not initially find attractive.
As said multiple times by online dating expert, and author of Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating, Laurie Davis (yes, my wife), most clients she works with who find love ended up falling for someone who they initially labeled them as a “maybe,” whether after seeing their online profile photos, or even after a first date.
So what does this tell you?
Many things, but one thing it says is how you look isn’t actually about your looks — it’s more about the life you live. Let me ask you a question. If you were out looking to meet someone, who would look more appealing to you, the guy in sweatpants, flip flops, and a white tee, or a guy who’s wearing jeans, a blazer, and shoes?
Unless the person wearing the tee is a celebrity, most times, the blazer-wearing guy is going to be picked. Anyone who puts in time to take care of themselves is someone who will put in time to take care of the love of their lives.
It’s easy to give yourself so many mental shortcomings and limiting beliefs when it comes to dating. Despite what you think is true in dating, you still have a great shot at finding love — stop making excuses, control your own fate, and give yourself the chance.