As fun as it looks, try not to be this guy. Editor's Note: This piece is by Nick Notas. You can read more of his pieces at The Dating Specialist.
Over the past week, I've been getting in many conversations about whether women should approach, takeinitiative, etc.
Gentlemen, pay attention to these signals when meeting women.
The majority of dating advice for women out there might be a fun read but it’s hardly practical. It makes you feel great but it doesn’t actually translate to attracting men in real life. I’m here to change that (with the assistance of my lovely girlfriend).
Meeting people is much easier for women than men. Why? Because single guys will jump at the slightest chance to be in the company of an amazing woman. You are the one with all the options.
Men are visual creatures and his first impression of you is based on your appearance. That breaks down into two main parts: looking your best and looking approachable.
Don’t forget to smile
Guys are already terrified of walking up to a random woman and introducing themselves. If you’ve got a scowl on your face, I guarantee no guy is going to feel comfortable saying hello. Smiles are friendly and welcoming.
Nothing is sexier than eye contact
The best way to get a guy to approach you is by signaling that you want to be approached. Men wait for a green light or “approach invitations” to be sure you actually want to talk to them.
Wherever you are: Starbucks, the bookstore, the bar, the bank, a quick 1-2 second glance and smile is enough to say “Hey, I’m open to meeting you.”
Thomas' Note: Some people will advise the "glance, smile, look away, then back and smile again" technique. Both strategies work so experiment and find out which one is most effective and comfortable for you.
And when you’re in a conversation with him, look in his eyes. You can break away periodically but if you’re constantly averting his gaze, he’s going to think something’s wrong.
Give him an opening
Crossing your arms and positioning yourself in a closed-off fashion puts up a barrier guys don’t want to overcome.
Keep your arms unfolded and leave some space for a guy to come talk to you. Instead of facing the bar, sit sideways or towards the crowd while talking to your friends. Glance around periodically and don’t be afraid to give those approach invitations to guys you find interesting.
And please, stay off your phone and enjoy being out. When you’re buried in texting, the only thing you’re conveying to a guy is “I’m busy, don’t even think of speaking to me.”
Take the initiative
Many guys would kill for an amazing woman to open a discussion. The beauty is that men are just waiting to talk to you about something, anything.
The simplest and most natural way is by asking a question. It can be about anything really, it’s just a way to get the ball rolling.
Examples:
“Do you know what time this place closes?”
“Have you tried one of these cake pops?”
“What a cute dog, what’s his name?”
“Can I ask you something? How do you like these shoes?”
Trust me, it sounds stupid but all you’re doing is giving the guy an opportunity to chat you up. If he’s interested, he’ll take the bait and run with it.
Looking your best: it’s all about the little things
When a new guy sees you from across the room, all he has to go on is your appearance. His initial attraction to you is what makes him say “Hi”, but your sparkling personality is what makes him stay.
Dress to impress and wear something that shows off your features and flatters your figure. You don’t have to go crazy with makeup, but a little done well can brighten your face. Men thoroughly appreciate gorgeous hair, eyes, jewelry, and a sense of style.
This is a touchy subject, but you’ve got to exercise and eat right. Health and vitality are primary attraction switches in men and it’s good for your body, too.
Avoid large groups and leave the men at home
If it’s your friend’s birthday or a celebration, have a big group night out. Otherwise, keep it to smaller, intimate gatherings. The more women you have, the more intimidating it is for a guy to approach. He has to worry about entertaining all of your friends and making sure they all approve of him.
Thomas' Note: In my time going out and meeting women, the ideal number of women in a group is 3. If a man comes up to you, your two friends can connect without feeling neglected. Just make sure your two friends are friends with each other.
Also, unless you’re trying to help a male friend get some, make it a girl’s night out and hang with him another time. Most guys’ first assumption when seeing you with a man is “they’re probably dating”. If it’s not that, he’s worried that he’ll have to deal with a defensive or rude guy trying to kill his mojo.
Don’t let your friends block you
If you’re hitting it off with a guy, be wary of your overprotective friends trying to shut him down. Let them know you want to give him a chance as long as they have someone else to entertain them (each other or other guys).
I understand girls look out for one another, but I’ve seen too many connections killed by jealous friends and grumpy roommates.
Be playful and laugh often
A good sense of humor is an incredibly sexy quality in a woman. You don’t have to necessarily be funny yourself, but you have to be able to laugh at his jokes. I know you’re anxious in the moment, but try your best. It’s extremely nerve-racking to be talking to a woman who’s not giving anything back.
Radiate positivity
Stay out of your head and just enjoy yourself. Don’t keep thinking about how lame the party is or how you wish you were home.
The first thing I noticed about my girlfriend before I went up to her was her huge smile as she was laughing with friends. She looked like a lot of fun. If you’ve got any negative vibes, guys can often tell from far away, and they’ll definitely feel it once they start talking to you.
When meeting a new guy, keep it lighthearted. Don’t be unnecessarily rude or a buzzkill. Putting others down or complaining about your crappy boss at work is a turn-off for a first impression.
Embrace your sexuality
Sometimes when you’re inexperienced, you’re uncomfortable thinking about a man sexually desiring you. But honestly, if he’s coming up to you, there’s a good chance he’s eventually hoping to hook up. Being a sexual person doesn’t make you a slut, it makes you human.
If you’re attracted to the guy you’re talking to, be open to his advances. If he gives you a playful touch, don’t just back away. If he compliments you, smile and give him a genuine “thank you” rather than denying it. Don’t be afraid to return a flirtatious smirk or make a playful innuendo, either.
Take things at your own pace. If you’re not ready to be kissed or go further, you don’t have to do it to make him happy. You can say, “not right now” or “I’m not ready yet.” As long as you give him some signals that you’re interested, that’s what matters.