Kick it old school. Go out by yourself.
Every Monday I’ll be giving tips on different perspectives on dating that will “free Your mind.”Like a true Maverick, I’ll give an unorthodox approach to everyday scenarios that will help you in your dating life and potentially beyond.
Going out alone.
This past weekend, I had a chance to meet with a couple now-new clients and it was clear to me that their problem is a common issue among most people I know.
People can't get it together to go out by themselves.
They think it's such a loser move. They belive the perception is people think so lowly of them showing up at a bar or event alone.
Here's my first question: How would one even know you are at a place alone unless you gave them reason to think that?
The only way they would be able to tell is if either they saw through it your body language, or by asking you in conversation.
Let me tell you how I got over this limiting belief.
When I moved back to Boston from graduating college over 3 years ago, none of my friends could go out with me during the week because they worked normal 9-5 jobs. Although that sucked, the only solution I saw was to make new friends. So what did I end up doing?
Something I called "30-in-30."
I went out to 30 bars for 30 consecutive nights. It didn't have to be 30 sparate bars, but I did have to go to one. On one hand, it led to many lonely Sundays. On the other, it led me to some of my greatest successes.
The plan was simple. I would go into a bar by myself, sit at the bar, immediately talk to the bartender and eventually order a drink. While wiating for my drink, I'd talk to the first person that appeared next to me -- whether it was a man or woman.
I had the good fortune to meet some amazing people along the way and after knowing them for several months, they started to ask me, "I never see you come in with people."
My reply,
"Yeah, I never do."
To their amazement they had no clue when I first met them, I was there by myself. They were baffled. Then I had to explain to them what I did, which is what I will be doing for you.
The Maverick: The key to never looking like you're alone is by TALKING to people, no matter who they are. When you are a friendly, seemingly harmless person who doesn't want anything from someone, people tend to open up. Take that opportunity to get to know people and enjoy their company. Your easy-going spirit will lead you to introductions to their other friends -- and the "Facebook effect" will hit.
At the same time, you're becoming comfortable at the bars you're going to and the people who go there. Sooner enough, you'll know more people than you can know what to do with and it won't even matter -- because if none of them are available to go out with you that night, you can still go to a bar where you're most comfortable and make new friends.
Action item: I want you to go out by yourself -- distraction free (no book, magazine, blackberry, etc.) -- and talk to the people around you. Let me know in the comments, or on Twitter about your findings.
Going out alone is easier than you think. You just have to get out of the way of yourself if you'd like to do it successfully.