This is an awesome article about Lexicon's perspective on his desire to attain a girlfriend and how his research through pick up and social dynamics have developed not only his personality but his whole way of thinking when interacting with women.
There is a new appreciation of women here and I want people to understand that this is what guys need to realize. This is also what I will be teaching in my upcoming membership program. It's never about getting the girl. It's about building a quality life and gaining a better appreciation not only for who you are but also your life and the people that come into it.
If you want to check out his article, "Developing Cassanova Game," and comment there, here is his post. I highly suggest you do.
Enjoy! This is a valuable read!
“Feeling that I was born for the sex opposite of mine, I have always loved it and done all that I could to make myself loved by it.” - Giacomo Casanova, History of My Life.
I’ve been playing this game long enough that I recognize when there is a shifting of my reality. I felt it the first time I picked up Double Your Dating, The Game, or the first time I had made-out with a girl at a bar. There are these notions that Ihave in my head that get picked away one by one and in the end am left with my true intentions and desires.
When I first began learning pickup and seductionthe only thing I wanted was a girlfriend. I needed her so that I could be happy, I was an incomplete person and the only thing that I felt would make me complete and happy would be finding a woman to satisfy my gaping hole of neediness.
Jeez… sohard to understand now.
Ironically, after I read David De’Angelo’s Double Your Dating I was able to get just that, a girlfriend, only to break up after two months of dating. Quickly after that I got another girlfriend, which was a year and a half of fighting, arguing, and a general sense of misery.
Then I read The Game. That’s when a big key turned in my head and opened an unbelieveable realm of possibilities,”you mean I can have sex with women without being their boyfriend?” Along with all the other adventures that you can read throughout my blog.
But on the other side there is a really bizarre underlying weirdness about the community. “Racking up stats” or how many approaches a person gets a night or whatever. It never made sense to me and it still doesn’t make sense to me.
What is the point of what we’re doing? It actually makes me think back to something I felt after reading The Game. At one point Neil Strauss writes that he has a rotating wheel of women in his life. I’ve heard Hypnotica and some of the more “out there” guru’s talk about being Poly-Amorous and having mLTRs(Multiple Long-Term Relationships) but I never was able to rationally understand it, even though it seemed like the best possible situation.
Lately it’s been making a lot more sense, I’ve written about this several times recently in my Burning Bridges posts (1, 2) but I think that there is an even deeper message under this for me.
Like I said, when I first started this I wanted to have a girlfriend because I wanted an emotional connection with another person. Yes, I can admit that it came from a place of neediness, but it is also nice to feel that there is “someone there” and that you can care for someone. Again, non-attachment doesn’t mean not giving a shit,it means being open, honest, and loving without a need for it. I do it because it’s something I want but could easily live without.
Oddly, though, when first starting out in the “community” that mentality didn’t survive for very long. Approaching thirty girls in a night makes it really easy to not get too attached to any of them. Truthfully, you can’t! Tearing through sets all night long makes it really easy to desensitize yourself to women. Throw on top of that when guys start getting “good” and they have several makeouts or lays a week and then there is not any form of specialness to it at all.
I completely refuse to deny that the women who I talk to and meet are not human beings! The other road, the endless turning wheel of one night stands and meaningless makeouts and approaches, what’s the point? If you want to get over making women too important, then get the hell over it! Accept that it is a worthless pursuit. What do you prove? You get other little dorks on your internet forum telling you how great you are for your one night stands?
I honestly like women and enjoy their company. I like the smell of their hair and the feel of their skin. I still get excited when I go out to a first get together and I love the tension before the first kiss. I appreciate a woman with a good sense of humor and who is kind. I like good conversation. I am impressed when a woman knows what a Cronenbergmovie is or if they pay attention to politics. I don’t want to just fuck them one night then move onto the next “set”, I want to meet good people and women and have them involved in my life. Not just emptily moving throughlive searching for the next hole to stick my dick into.
My game is reflecting this mindset too. This, to me, goes along the same lines of when Brent Smith says, “you don’t have to learn how to imitate a confident man, just become one.” So when I hear stuff like, “I built more comfort” or “I asked her a specific kind of question to build a deeper connection”, why don’t you just get more comfortable and develop a good connection? I like getting to know someone now. I don’t go out approaching a billion women. Cold-approach is a complete waste of time and effort. I want to focus on Warm-Approachand usingApproach Invitations for an opening to meet and talk to a new person.
Most importantly I want to completely drop having an agenda. Lately I’m being told by the girls I hook up with, “you make me feel so comfortable.” That is the key now. Being comfortable with yourself, having no agenda, and getting to know another person, openly and with love.
With a straight face I can say that I absolutely hate Confrontational Cold-Approach Pickup. It’s stupid and creepy and needy. If I never do it again for as long as I live I will be perfectly cool with that.
On top of it, I’m tired of the fakeness of pickup and seduction. I’m tired of the strategies and tactics. It seems so pointless to me now. Why put in that much effort? Why go to a shitty club 5 nights a week, approaching 3 bazillion women, sleeping with 19 gazillion? What do you prove? What happiness does that bring?
Just like I had to pull off my constraints of neediness, I’m pulling off my constraints of proving shit to other people. Isn’t that what pickup becomes about eventually? If you say no, then do you think that you could take dating advice from a pickup “guru” who has only slept with one woman? You can get insight from anywhere and the only thing that you should use to discount it is if it isn’t consistent with your beliefs, what does sleeping with a bunch of women prove in a person’s ability to be happy?
I’m going to be open to love.
I’m going to be open to appreciation.
I’m going to be open to spending time and connecting with another human being.
No more games, tactics, and bullshit. No more proving anything to anyone. No more pickup dorkiness.
I’m only doing what’s real from now on. Pursing my life through my interests, no more chasing women. Making real connections with women and people, no more games and tactics. Only being my real self, not some created pickup “avatar” to “attract women”.
My true self connecting, appreciating, and loving another human being.
Otherwise, what does it really matter? It will only lead to validation, self-denial, self-hatred, and an inability to connect with yourself and others. And what I want is peace and happiness. I want my life and my dating life to positive and a benefit to my life. Not some constant battle and struggle.
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