I get a lot of people asking me about confidence. The most important thing to understand is confidence is an emotion.
Because it's not tangible, confidence is not something you can “acquire.” It’s something you grow and like a muscle, it can either get stronger or weaker.
There are two key states that determine your success approaching and attracting women.
Key state #1: Having fun.
Meeting women isn’t work, it’s not a chore, nor is it a scary experience. There are too many of you who walk around so fearful of talking to women, you’d think these women were monsters who eat their own young to stay alive.
Women are amazing, they’re fun and you love them or else you wouldn’t seemingly torture yourself going over to talk to them anyway.
Guys who are great at talking to women are positive and energetic. In fact, these guys get excited to talk to them and it’s not a process -- it’s just fun.
In order for you to find success, you have to find positive light and fun on your journey of meeting women. Think about the things you enjoy doing and spend more time doing them. It’ll end up being much easier -- and more fun -- to meet women who share those same interests with you.
It makes no sense to go to a swanky nightclub if you hate speaking loudly, listening to crappy house music and dressing up. If you hate those types of places, you’ll have a much harder time meeting women. If you’re a dive bar kind of guy, that’s where you need to be.
I’d be more inclined to think many of you who have a hard time approaching women just aren’t putting yourselves in comfortable environments that play into your personality.
Key State #2: Taking immediate action
When I work with men out at various venues and they see women they’d like to meet, they hesitate a ton and often, they’ll do the ever-so-popular “hover” around the woman before saying anything.
Women notice this, find it creepy and these guys lose before they get to open their mouths.
Guys who are good at approaching women don’t hover. They don’t think about whether or not they should do it. They just do it -- or maybe they don’t. Either way, they make a clear decision and move on.
When you see a woman you’d like to meet, go right in there. It’s the easiest way to show confidence to a woman and you’ll soon realize when women respond positively, it’s easier to approach women than you think.
If you go back and forth on approaching, all you’re doing is building up anxiety, which will give you more opportunities to plant excuses in your head for why you shouldn’t do it.
The truth is, that anxiety you feel whether or not you approach a woman will always be there. The difference is what you do when you experience it. I'll sum it up by saying this quote:
Courage is acknowledging fear, and doing it anyway.
Now, for some of you, it may not matter where you are, you still have a hard time successfully approaching women. That’s ok, that means it’s more of a strategic issue -- and we can help you with that.